Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

Dear Sandra

Please welcome Callie to the sofa.

It’s been over thirty years since our childhood fun but I still remember. We were as different as two friends could be, me in a tiny immature body that still mirrored a girl of a much lesser age and you with your grown-up curves and advanced maturity. We were close friends but you were a much better friend than I. After all of these years I am still reminded, no haunted, by my lack of compassion which perpetuated the down-fall of our friendship. Your mind and body matured more quickly than mine and I was unable to understand your struggles as a nine year old girl in a woman’s body. I remember the day your bra came undone and you needed a friend to accompany you to the girls room and give you a hand. I was mortified at the thought of being seen going into a single stalled restroom to help a friend with her bra. I had no idea what it would be like to wear a bra, let alone have a malfunction in the middle of class. I gave you an awful excuse of not wanting to ruin my reputation. I can still see the look on your face with your arms locked across your chest. I heard the boys taunt you even though I pretended not to notice. This changed our friendship forever and  it wasn’t long after that incident that you and your family moved away.  As I grew older I began to better understand  how you must have felt.  It seems silly that an insincere act from so many years ago still ways heavy on my mind but it does. I think it’s because I felt the weight of your hurt and saw the disappointment in your eyes. It certainly left a mass of guilt on me for the past thirty years.  I often wonder how this breach of friendship impacted your life, if at all. It’s funny the things that make the biggest impressions and force us to remember the past.

Junie: How sad but sweet of you to harbor this guilt for so many years. My guess is that this has impacted you much more than your friend. She may not even remember. I think it’s time to let go and forgive that little nine year old girl.

jj

January 25, 2009 - Posted by | confessions, Hello Miss Manners | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. callie, i think jj has the right idea. i think your friend long ago forgave that little girl, now it’s only up to you to do the same! if you could still get in touch with her, it might be good to…however, sometimes it’s best to just forgive yourself quietly, and live with the relief you’ll feel.

    Comment by libby | January 25, 2009

  2. Your right Libby forgiving yourself is so important.
    jj

    Comment by javajune | January 27, 2009


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