Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

You, me and everyone in-between

img_2413-blk-wht1Shhhhh! Are we alone? I hope so because I am about to reveal a secret that’s meant to stay just between you and me. I have a secret longing or obsession you might call it. It’s not anything dirty and no I’m not a serial killer. But it is kind of weird and lately it has been driving me crazy. It involves my insane curiosity and a love of vintage bubbles and old weathered buildings. This fetish has caused me to engage in several drive-by shootings. I’ve been caught lurking while on foot in the past and told that I can’t photograph this place. As strange as this sounds, the words “you can’t” only makes me want to do it all the more.

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The weathered red doors and thick wavy glass call my name. It beckons my car to drive across the old cobbled bricks and take it’s picture and then this quiver takes over my body and I yearn for so much more.

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What I really want- is to see what lies beyond those antique doors and rusted panes. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of old chairs and vintage light fixtures hanging from the old wooden beams. My heart beats out of control and it’s all I can do to keep myself from pulling over and running for an unlocked door. Hell I’d even climb in a window if I thought I wouldn’t get caught. Just this afternoon as I drove past the crumbling bricks, covered in ivy, I saw something that tempted me beyond restraint. I quickly pulled my car to a halt and began to unbuckle so I could take advantage of just the moment I had been waiting for. It was an open door. I had to beat on my chest to bring back my own breath.

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What do you see inside the door? I know there are treasures just waiting to be seen and they lay just beyond that door. The lofty architecture  of old buildings makes my head spin and the thought of vintage furnishings left untouched sends me over the top. I slipped on my darkest sunglasses and wrapped a scarf around my head but before I could open the car door, it happened. That damn landlord came poking his head out and started toward me. You can bet I started her up and put my foot on the gas. I pulled away as quick as I could and never made eye contact.

Why do I do this? It’s not a crime to drive down that cobble path. Some of the old mill has small business tenants. Why can’t I simply ask for a tour? The very same thing that draws me to this place also makes me reluctant to ask for a deeper look. This place makes me crazy and I am desperate to know what lies behind her walls. It’s an obsession that grows stronger with every year. I think I remember entering the front building  for a furniture sale when I was a young child but I can’t be sure. I vaguely recall huge cement steps that were hard for me to climb.  Maybe I saw something that intrigued me then or perhaps I am afraid to dismantle the fantasy- of me in all my glory- finding weathered treasures and vintage bubbles left behind. I have even dreamed about it. Maybe I just know deep down that this ridiculously crazy fetish needs to be laid to rest, once and for all.

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Do you see what I mean about the shadows that are cast just inside the windows? Are you intrigued? Am I  the only one who has crazy obsessions or do any of you have secret desires that pull you in like a magnet, for no apparent reason? Do you think I am a bit strange or is there more to this calling? Leave me your thoughts on this- I need to know!

jj

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March 24, 2009 - Posted by | confessions, me, rants | , , , , ,

7 Comments »

  1. wow, this is an amazing building! i love it!! you know what you could do? i don’t know what kind of city this is in, but, i’m pretty lucky, and i graduated with a guy who is the assistant editor of our newspaper, and i emailed him and asked about an old building, and he told me who to contact about it, to get a way into it. i never actually could, just because it’s out in the country, and (obviously) i can’t walk, but at least i got my questions answered! i take a lot of pictures of old buildings and houses here in town, i love old houses, and we have a lot here in town, a lot were here from the Underground Railroad!

    Comment by libby | March 24, 2009

  2. You weirdo. LOL! But seriously, there is nothing at all strange about getting caught up in old architecture and wanting to capture it on camera. I think these are great pictures and the building is very cool.

    Glad you’re back. thought we lost you.

    Comment by Ricardo | March 24, 2009

  3. Libby, I do know who owns this building but he is an 80 year old pervert. He has yelled at me for taking photos and then put his arm around me and talked dirty in my ear. VERY CREEPY! I would love to see inside but…well what can I say. The buildings from the underground rr sound great!

    Ricardo,
    I am kind of weird or maybe I prefer eclectic 😉 I was beginning to wonder if the geek squad was ever going to surrender my computer. The crazy nerds took their time but it is now in fabulous working order!
    jj

    Comment by javajune | March 24, 2009

  4. Eclectic is the way to be. the second someone can pin you down to one thing is not good. I’m sure you pretty much have a brand new machine with all the time they took on it.

    Comment by Ricardo | March 24, 2009

  5. If I were to be presumptuous I would say that some part of what draws you to this old building is the same thing that makes me collect antiques. Your old place and my old things bring essences from the past with them.

    If I sit staring at the lighted dial of one of my old tombstone living room radios, I know my eyes are fixed directly where the eyes of a family of the 1930s or’40s were fixed nightly. For long periods of time they stared at those lighted shapes while dreaming–and so do I. They dreamed of the stories being broadcast. I dream of them, those listeners.

    Once the stories were dreams and the listeners were breathing, feeling flesh and blood. Now that flesh and blood is long gone to dust, and both the stories and the listeners are only dreams.

    There is no non-biological urge humans have that is more basic than the urge to honor the dead. I read a book about the excavation of a buried town in Turkey which dated back around 10,000 years. Those people, the archeologists discovered, had buried their dead in the dirt floors of their houses.

    You can’t get anywhere like as close to the dead today as you could then. And who would want to!? We know too much now about what death is, both as physical dissolution and as personal extinction. But we still have that old urge to at least get close enough to the dead to show them some kind of honor. The desire to do so is so strong! We want to give them the one thing we are sure we would long for if/when we are they.

    They haunt the things they loved. As we in turn love those things we stand in their shoes and repeat their feelings. We give them for a moment the most precious gift they can be given–a moment of renewed life.

    Comment by nightman1 | March 31, 2009

  6. Nightman, I think You pretty much summed it up. I love old things because of their past. Glad I’m not alone. I loved it when you said, “they haunt the things they loved”.
    jj

    Comment by javajune | April 1, 2009

  7. Thank you very much Javajune.

    Your post allowed me to take the final step I needed to understand why I love the old radios I collect SO much. It had been the greatest mystery to me for years.

    Comment by nightman1 | April 2, 2009


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