Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

It’s all in your head

 The following story was inspired by an experience I had many years ago.

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She walked softly and dared not speak. Her words couldn’t possibly change his mind about where they were going. It was late summer and the heat index was well over 90 degrees. She felt a drop of sweat starting at the nap of her neck and sliding down her spine just before it disappeared into the band of her cutoffs.  They walked for what seemed like hours and her knees were beginning to buckle when a black ford parked beside them. The door opened and a strange man said, “get in.” She was nervous but somewhat relieved to get out of the mid-afternoon sun. The men inside the car exchanged words but nothing in her native tongue. She listened but didn’t understand. The sun faded as her eyes fell closed. When she awoke there were only shadows and whispers. Her companion was still sitting by her side but everyone else was gone. She looked into his worried face but didn’t dare ask.  Off in the distance the men were having a smoke under a street lamp, a mangy dog ran past and then her door swung open. A man in a black suit motioned for her to get out. She did. He took her inside a brick building, down a hall and  into a room with chairs and nothing else. She sat alone and waited for what she didn’t know. The next few hours alluded her perception and it was morning before she knew it. As the girl looked up she noticed a crowd of people all dressed in their Sunday best. They were huddled around something but what? She had to move closer to take a peek. As the girl approached the wooden box she was afraid of what she might see. It may change everything or haunt her forever, but something told her that she had to look just once. The face was so familiar and caused her knees to buckle. She knew this face, this life, that had now passed. It was someone she had once loved but who?  Her mind was playing a nasty trick of don’t tell because it will hurt too much. She searched the faces on the people that surrounded the box. She listened to the words but still no name…no name. Who was in the pine box? Will her mind ever give it up? Can she handle the truth?

This story was similar to an experience I had when I was young. I witnessed the death of a person I knew and cared about. What followed that incident still amazes me today. The mind will do whatever it takes to protect itself from a painful overload. I did finally remember who had passed away but it wasn’t until after the funeral when I was alone in the shower that my mind allowed the break-thru. I didn’t dare ask anyone at the funeral who this person was because I was so ashamed that I didn’t know. It was one of those twilight zone kind of things. I guess I never realized how powerful the mind can be. I think this gives the saying “mind over matter” a whole new meaning. It’s kind of scary in a beautiful mind kind of way. What do you think?

Sorry for the dark post on such a beautiful day. As I said in my last post I am having problems with my computer again so if I vanish for a day or two don’t call 911, well not unless I get my hands on the boys in the Geek Squad that charged me 200 dollars to fix Mr. Puter. I think he may be beyond help at this point. Sometimes he works just fine and other times he turns on and off every few seconds. Sometimes I just hate technology. Shhhh, he might hear me.

Go out and enjoy the sunshine if you have it- jj

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April 23, 2009 - Posted by | me, saga | , , , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. I have been fortunate enough to never have had anyone really close to me pass away…don’t know how I’d handle it, actually. Probably the most disturbing encounter with ‘death’ that I ever did encounter was seeing a man who had hung himself – NOT something you want to see, as you can imagine…didn’t know him, but it was a rather emotional thing.

    Comment by Mike | April 23, 2009

  2. junie, my dad died in july 2006, & my mom died in feb 2007…my husband of 17 yrs left for his g/f then too…those yrs kicked my ass, but i had tons of help from my bro to get through Mom & Dad’s passing…so, i’m at peace with it, was holding Mom’s hand in the hospital when she died, and we had gotten to spend the previous 3 hrs reminiscing about good times we had together!

    Comment by libby | April 23, 2009

  3. Mike, That must have been terrible. Thanks for the comment.

    Libby, You have had a tough couple of years. I hope ’09 is better.
    jj

    Comment by javajune | April 24, 2009


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