Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

Come to my window

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Mr. J keeps putting away this old window that belonged to my grandparents farm house but I keep dragging it back out because I like to peer into the old wavvy glass. Sometimes just for a moment I catch a glimpse of my past.

Do you ever feel as though no matter how hard you try to be a certain way or do certain things, your true self  is always revealed- like there is an unseen guide that opens doors and windows for you when you’re not looking.  I’m not talking about religion here but something that might be a bit similar. I do have faith although it at times it is a little confused or unsure of itself. It just seems to me that no matter what I think I want or where I think I should be in my life, my real position or destiny always wins. This is difficult to explain but let me take another shot at it. Now listen closely because this may be a bit hard to follow. hee hee

I have always wanted to be things I’m not- like a successful business woman, someone famous, a published author, a tall model; well you get the picture, right? I  head off on little life journeys or alterations seeking such things but something unseen always pulls me back to this place- no not this blog, silly. Back to this girl who rambles and jumps in with both feet before looking, and then back to a girl who changes her mind as often as the wind changes direction. My life always centers on a small map of curiosities and adventures, never too far from home base but always traveling in one direction or another. This girl is creative, a little flighty and her attention spans is less than an inch long. She may never be famous or head of a fortune five hundred company but that’s okay, right? I should also mention that sometimes she is a little unsure of herself.

I was never one that said I want to be such and such when I grow up. There were way too many possibilities- how in the world could I choose just one? So I dabbled- yes I am a great dabbler if nothing else. Having said all of that, this post still fails to make my point which is that no matter what I do I will always be exactly what I am. Okay good I have figured it out. Well… not exactly- I’m not sure who the, I am, is. I told you this was going to get complicated.

Do we all have some big divine purpose or are some of us just destined to ride along making things interesting for others? Is there really some sort of giant magnet pulling us back to center when we veer too far off the path? What makes me fall back to that same old girl that I started with and why can’t I be something else entirely?

Have you ever thought about these kinds of things or is it just me? Maybe the rest of you are smart enough to know that it’s best to just go with the flow and not fight the current. I usually do just that but then there are those moments when I see something on the other side and think yes I should try that, go there, or maybe be her- instead of me. I guess I was meant to stay this girl who takes pictures and tells stories and nothing else.

Hopefully by now you aren’t thinking whoa this chick is way crazy or something similar. This chick isn’t too crazy, maybe slightly off center, but not too far. She’s not a perfectly shaped circle and definitely not square, just slightly irregular with a few nooks and crannies. Hmmmm, speaking of nooks and crannies I wish I had an English muffin smothered with rich melted butter that has seeped down into all the nooks and crannies just perfectly.

 

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Okay the wind has changed and so goes my mind. I’m off to forage for breakfast.

Have a great day.

xo-jj

June 10, 2009 - Posted by | confessions, me, rants | , , , , , , ,

8 Comments »

  1. Awe, that was De-lovely! Welcome to life, little one! I was like you growing up…of course I never knew what I wanted to be, because as a child, my feet never touched the ground. You ARE all those things you mentioned…just at different times. The Dreamers. You are wonderful just the way you are, at this very moment in The Kingdom of God. I LOVE your grandparents’ window. In fact, I have been searching for one for my garden. Ask Mr. J. to stop waking you up! **blows kisses** Deborah

    Comment by Deborah | June 10, 2009

  2. junie, i wrote something similar years ago, about how there’s life path a, or b, or…and i figure i’m on life z1 by now!! when i was little, i wanted to be a vet…later i wanted to be a psychologist…registered for college to be a computer systems analyst…got pregnant b4 graduation of high school, so got married & had my girl…divorced, got a job…yadayada…now i’m single & happy, just looking for “what’s next?”

    Comment by libby | June 10, 2009

  3. I personally am in love with this girl.

    This girl who is so beautiful in her profile picture.

    This girl who writes and takes pictures and that is more than enough.

    Wonderful post full of magic and a love of life.

    Renee xoxox

    Comment by Renee Khan | June 10, 2009

  4. I think the core of who we are will rise up when we are going off on the wrong path. When we get back on the path, our divine purpose come back and leads us down the right roads for us.

    Comment by Shell | June 10, 2009

  5. This week is hard. I just posted my 1st pic. And can I say I totally relate to your post. I still have my “power suit” that I bought for my grown up interview at a place that I never had to wear a suit to. Hope that makes sense.

    Comment by Amber | June 10, 2009

  6. So relate; good for you, the journey…supporting you all of the way.

    Comment by rootedinstyle | June 10, 2009

  7. Hello Junie,
    I popped over here from Darling Deb’s (Midlife Poet) and I see you’ve written about me. For I too am that girl who desires to venture off and do my own thing, but I’m always pulled back to do exactly what I’m doing. I want to be an artist, a designer, a great belly dancer. I do many things well, but excel at none.
    I saw a sign on my way to work that said, “trying to be someone else is a waste of who you are.” God created you to be uniquely you. You are one of a kind. You are who you are because He delighted in creating you to be you.
    Does that help or have I made you a little more confused ;0?

    xoxo Cori

    Comment by Cori. G | June 10, 2009

  8. Sounds right to me. As a nervous, sensitive guy growing up in 1960s Texas, you can perhaps imagine how much I pulled and twisted myself trying to make me a macho man. But what will seem weird to you is that I kept on doing that long past when I was your age, when the reality of the situation was becoming apparent.

    Eventually the accumulated misery of my struggle caused me to have a nervous breakdown (as they used to call it). After I arose from that, I realized that I can be exactly what I am, no more and no less.

    Possibly some of us can extend the boundary of what we are in pursuit of some major goal, but most of us can’t keep that up indefinitely without suffering. In fact, it is my little theory that much of the “stress” that occurs in the USA arises from people not suited to the role of extrovert entrepreneur or hyper-conscientious employee trying to force themselves to be the kind of person who can fill the role.

    I am now a shy dilettante, and proud of it.

    Comment by nightman1 | June 11, 2009


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