Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

Diary of a Kept Woman

Please welcome Victoria, Trapped in Paradise, to the sofa.

It all started a few years ago when my girlfriend introduced me to her high flaluttin life. She had beautiful clothes, a first class apartment on the upper east side and was being wined and dined in style several times a week. I wanted to be her- the lifestyle looked like the perfect fit for a lonely girl like me. I had a poor track record with employment and was barely making ends meet. So I meet William and became his mistress. I have to admit that at first it was a fairy tale and I was Cinderella. Everything I ever dreamed of having suddenly became mine. I didn’t work, my job was to stay beautiful and available for Bill. I spent most days shopping,  redecorating my already perfect apartment, reading magazines while waiting for the latest beauty treatment, and having lunch with the girls. At night and sometimes on the weekend Bill and I went out to the most expensive places to eat and met with important clients over drinks. We had sex several times a week and he spent the rest of the time home with his family. In the beginning I loved my life and thought that it was enough for me but I’ve changed my mind.  I think I want kids, a family with the picket fence and a golden retriever. I’m getting older and it’s almost too late but I’m stuck in this lavish lifestyle. The only way out would be to just pick up and leave everything behind. I would be starting over with nothing  and I’m not very good at keeping a job. I have no job skills and WTF would I put on my resume? I guess my life proves that you should always be careful of what you wish for.

Junie: I can see how you could get sucked into that life style very quickly. What a facinating story about living as the other woman. Starting over won’t be easy. Maybe you can find a job and a place to live before you make the break. You got what you wanted once; why can’t you do it again? Good luck in the pursuit of your dreams.

jj

February 9, 2009 Posted by | confessions, lovers, secrets, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Juicy Secrets

juicy-swim-suitHello sofa friends are you stir crazy, cabin feverish or just plain sick of winter yet? Silly question! I am so ready for a spring trip that I have been pulling out my beach wear which reminded me of a funny story. So I thought I’d share.

Last year I bought a really cute  Juicy Couture swim suit. While I was strutting along  the beach, feeling really hip, I over heard a man say to his wife, “Can you believe she has juicy written on her ass?” His wife said, “conceited bitch.” Now it never occurred to me that there were people who were totally clueless about Juicy Couture. (I know I am sometimes blissfully unaware but I like it that way) They probably live in a cave or next to a Kmart. Okay, that may sound a bit snarky but they started it.

For the rest of the trip I strutted around with a pair of shorts covering my juicy butt. Yes I succumed to peer pressure even though that suit was way too expensive to cover with a pair of cut-offs. This year I am searching for a really sexy but not too sexy suit, without a word about or on my ass. It is damn near impossible to find the perfect swim suit. Maybe I will run my choices by the Sofa Diary readers before making a purchase. I want to avoid another fashion faux pa and I know you all have the perfect fashion sense. 😉

jj

January 29, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, rants, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

These Boots are Made for…

go-go-bootsPlease Welcome Nancy and her magic boots to the sofa.

Do any of you have a favorite pair of underwear or piece of jewelry that  makes everything go right whenever you wear them? I have a pair of sexy boots that bring me luck and make me feel like I can do anything  as soon as I slip them on. They are a retro style go go boot and so cool. But they really don’t go with a lot of things. I save them for special occasions, like dates with  really hot guys and whenever I need a boost of confidence. I’m not superstitious by nature but I would swear that these boots really have some sort of power. I always get my man when I’m in these boots. You can’t stop Nancy in her magic boots.  I once wore them to an interview. They were totally inappropriate but I got the job. These boots are tall, sexy and silver. See what I mean by inappropriate and hard to fit into my wardrobe. I consider these boots my secret weapon against failure.  I love them not just because they make me feel like a totally different person when I wear them, but because they bring the magic.

Junie: Nancy your boots sound awesome. I want a pair!

jj

January 20, 2009 Posted by | secrets, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Stalkers are People Too

Please welcome Shadow Hopper to the sofa.

Stalkers have gotten a bad rap.  We aren’t all psychotic individuals who are in need of medication and capable of murder. I have stalked exboyfriends, exgirlfriends and strangers too.  Sometimes I get a little infatuated with others which leads me to follow them with my car and google everything there is to know about them.  I sometimes keep a journal about their day to day life which may include a picture or two. I think of it as research or homework done about a certain person I envy or have fallen in love with. People are obsessed with all sorts of subjects and things but as soon as they become obsessed with another individual they are considered a stalker.

I am a stalker and I stalk both men and women.  It just depends on who has made an impact on me. I assure you that I’m not dangerous and I don’t need heavy medication. I have never hurt anyone and I’ve only been caught once. You probably wouldn’t even notice  if I were stalking you.

Junie: You have certainly painted an alternate picture of a stalker but I have to say that I still find stalkers to be a little creepy-Sorry for my honesty.

jj

January 18, 2009 Posted by | confessions, secrets, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Gifting Circle Madness

velvet-sofaHappy New Year Sofa Diary readers. I thought I would break into your regularly scheduled confessions to talk a little about a hot topic here on Javajune’s blog. Some time ago I posted my confession about being tempted to join a gifting circle of friends and since then we’ve had a confession from a woman who joined a gifting circle in her area.  I would like to open the floor (sofa) up for questions, comments and truths about these groups that seem to be popping up everywhere across the country right now. We have had comments for and against their existence on the two previous posts.

For those of you who don’t have clue about Gifting Circles the following is a brief description of how they work. Of course it is my take on the matter and I myself am not involved in one, so if I misspeak please feel free to correct me. Gifting Circles involve a group of people who come together for the soul purpose of  making money and friends. Each member contributes a sum of money, 5k seems to be popular, and the person in the receiver postion collects all the money. Then new blood is brought in with their money and the next person in line collects the dough. It could take months, weeks or even years for you to collect depending on how quickly your group gets new members and where you are in the circle.

I have been told it is an illegal pyramid scheme by some and that is not illegal or a pyramid scheme by others. This topic is one of the most hit-on subjects on my blog and generates a lot of controversial discussion and comments. Feel free to throw your 2 cents or 5k in (just kidding) and tell us what you know or think about the matter. The tough economic times and lousy stock market seem to generating a few new money making ideas out there. I have to admit that it all sounds very enticing but mostly just interesting.

jj

January 9, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

An Addiction to Vicodin is Controlling My Life

Please welcome Liz to the sofa.

My addiction started innocently enough. I hurt my back while shoveling the driveway.  The doctor prescribed Vicodin for the pain. It was a miracle drug. The pain was gone and I felt great; a little too great. Before I knew it I was hooked and would do almost anything to get my Vicodin. I have stolen money from friends and family. I associate with people who have criminal records to get my fix. It has been difficult to be an addict and maintain a full-time job. I keep my job just for the cash flow to feed my addiction. It takes a front seat to everything. I want to break free but I am so afraid of a life without my fix. My New Year’s resolution is to get help and kick this habit for good; wish me luck.

Junie: The fact that you are determined to kick the habit is an excellent start. Don’t give up trying to quit. I wish you all the luck.

jj

January 9, 2009 Posted by | confessions, secrets, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Nosey Bitch is Ruining My Life

Please welcome Tanya to the sofa.

The bitch in my office is driving me crazy. I had to rant, let it out, scream at the top of my lungs- I hate my nosey co-worker.  She keeps constant surveillance on me. Every time I leave my desk she follows, when I talk to someone she listens and watches. When I talk on the phone she goes to the copier, which is next to my cubicle, so she can eavesdrop. I am so sick of  her personal questions-who was that on the phone, what did you do last night, you left the parking lot awfully fast yesterday, is everything all right, and so on. She comes over if anyone stops by my cubicle and asks them questions or stands and listens to our conversation. Her peering eyes are always on me and she has a perfect view from her desk.  I reported it to human resources and asked to be moved but she is best friends with my manager and they made it look like it was just paranoia on my part.  I’m wondering if she isn’t playing office snitch while trying to find dirt on me. She is always pushing her religious beliefs on me and putting down my religion.  I don’t understand people who have no boundaries. She is a crazy bitch and she’s making my life miserable. Some days I feel like I am going to unleash my fury on her.

Junie: I really feel for you. I experienced a similar situation in my past employment.  File a grievance for the harassment of your religious beliefs or get other employees to corroborate your story about the spying.  Take your complaint and witness statements to someone over the bosses head.  I wish you luck and remember to Keep your cool.

jj

January 8, 2009 Posted by | nasty habits, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Shoplifting Queen

Please welcome Freebird to the sofa,

I don’t know when the stealing started but now I can’t stop. It is an incredible high for me to plot and plan and then actually pull it off. I wear loose clothing and slip small things into a girdle-like undergarment. It is pretty easy to get away with. I’ve had one close call, but I knew they were onto me, so I dumped everything when I was out of  view; when they searched me I was clean. This bad habit has become much worse lately. I feel as though I can justify my actions because of the economy crisis. I know it’s morally wrong and illegal, but guess who doesn’t have any credit card debt when the Holiday’s are over? Don’t lecture me it won’t help; I will just tune it out. I wish I felt remorse for my actions- sorry I don’t.

Junie: Okay I won’t lecture but you have to promise not to whine when you find your freebird booty not so free anymore. Jail-time is very likely in your future. Freebird could become a Jailbird-sorry I’m just saying……

jj

December 23, 2008 Posted by | confessions, nasty habits, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Please Don’t call Me a Stalker

Please welcome Nancy to the sofa.

I am obsessed with my neighbors but I wouldn’t consider myself  a stalker just because I like to look into a stranger’s apartment with my telescope. It started out very innocently. I was just looking out at the city, when I noticed that I had a perfect view of the main living area  of a neighboring apartment. Now I can’t quit gawking at them. The guy is so gorgeous and they live such a fun filled romantic life. My life is  unbearably boring but now I can live through the lives of my cool neighbors. They throw great parties a few times a week and I can grab a glass of wine and feel like I am one of the guests. Sad, I know but it helps me pass the time in my ridiculously boring life. I know it is an invasion of their privacy but I’m not so sure they would mind if they knew how much I enjoy being a part of their lives.

Junie: Wow, I have to say, I think it would make me very uncomfortable to know that my neighbor was gawking at me with a telescope. I know you don’t mean any harm but I’m just saying…….kinda creepy!

jj

December 21, 2008 Posted by | nasty habits, secrets, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My Best Friend is a Drug Addict

Please welcome Jenny to the sofa.

I don’t know what to do! I guess every person has to live their own life, but I’m afraid hers is spinning out of control. My friend has serious credit card debt. She keeps applying for student loans and uses the money to support her habits and numerous plastic surgeries. She suffers from depression. This girl just can’t catch a break. I believe the cocaine, Ecstasy and marijuana are all used to mask what feelings may arise. I’m always afraid to hang out with her or engage in a serious conversation because I don’t know if she’s cracked out or just being herself. She is not the same girl I became friends with years ago. Maybe I should call the show intervention!

Junie: Jenny it is obvious that you care about your friend. It would great if you could help her but she has to want to be helped. Keep up the positive influence and maybe she will come around. Good Luck.

jj

December 18, 2008 Posted by | nasty habits, secrets, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments