Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

Come to my window

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Mr. J keeps putting away this old window that belonged to my grandparents farm house but I keep dragging it back out because I like to peer into the old wavvy glass. Sometimes just for a moment I catch a glimpse of my past.

Do you ever feel as though no matter how hard you try to be a certain way or do certain things, your true self  is always revealed- like there is an unseen guide that opens doors and windows for you when you’re not looking.  I’m not talking about religion here but something that might be a bit similar. I do have faith although it at times it is a little confused or unsure of itself. It just seems to me that no matter what I think I want or where I think I should be in my life, my real position or destiny always wins. This is difficult to explain but let me take another shot at it. Now listen closely because this may be a bit hard to follow. hee hee

I have always wanted to be things I’m not- like a successful business woman, someone famous, a published author, a tall model; well you get the picture, right? I  head off on little life journeys or alterations seeking such things but something unseen always pulls me back to this place- no not this blog, silly. Back to this girl who rambles and jumps in with both feet before looking, and then back to a girl who changes her mind as often as the wind changes direction. My life always centers on a small map of curiosities and adventures, never too far from home base but always traveling in one direction or another. This girl is creative, a little flighty and her attention spans is less than an inch long. She may never be famous or head of a fortune five hundred company but that’s okay, right? I should also mention that sometimes she is a little unsure of herself.

I was never one that said I want to be such and such when I grow up. There were way too many possibilities- how in the world could I choose just one? So I dabbled- yes I am a great dabbler if nothing else. Having said all of that, this post still fails to make my point which is that no matter what I do I will always be exactly what I am. Okay good I have figured it out. Well… not exactly- I’m not sure who the, I am, is. I told you this was going to get complicated.

Do we all have some big divine purpose or are some of us just destined to ride along making things interesting for others? Is there really some sort of giant magnet pulling us back to center when we veer too far off the path? What makes me fall back to that same old girl that I started with and why can’t I be something else entirely?

Have you ever thought about these kinds of things or is it just me? Maybe the rest of you are smart enough to know that it’s best to just go with the flow and not fight the current. I usually do just that but then there are those moments when I see something on the other side and think yes I should try that, go there, or maybe be her- instead of me. I guess I was meant to stay this girl who takes pictures and tells stories and nothing else.

Hopefully by now you aren’t thinking whoa this chick is way crazy or something similar. This chick isn’t too crazy, maybe slightly off center, but not too far. She’s not a perfectly shaped circle and definitely not square, just slightly irregular with a few nooks and crannies. Hmmmm, speaking of nooks and crannies I wish I had an English muffin smothered with rich melted butter that has seeped down into all the nooks and crannies just perfectly.

 

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Okay the wind has changed and so goes my mind. I’m off to forage for breakfast.

Have a great day.

xo-jj

June 10, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, rants | , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The real me isn’t quite as provocative as that other girl

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Get ready because I’m going to unravell a bit here.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that this space has changed. I must confess that this blog started out as some what of a fraud. I was searching for a new me, trying new things, and writing in a different genre or style. I have always been a writer and creative soul but I wasn’t getting anywhere, so I thought well maybe I should change my style.  Maybe I should be a little more provocative or edgy that will get some attention. I’m here to tell you that trying to be something you’re not just doesn’t work. It’s best to be authentic and stick with what comes natural.

So I’m putting out the notice that what you have seen as of late is the real me and you can expect more of the same. I will no longer be entertaining saucy confessions from the sofa and my romance novel is on hold. You can expect a dreamy girl with an optimistic attitude, maybe too optimistic at times.

I have always loved to write and I had an intense hobby in photography years ago. I gave up my hobby when I was trying to climb the corporate ladder (which wasn’t me either) and film cameras gave way to digital. I just couldn’t get into the whole digital manipulation thing. The quality and depth of my digital photographs just wasn’t there. Well, as you’ve probably noticed I have gone back to my love of looking at the world from behind the lens and I’m trying to embrace (learn) the whole photoshop thing. It’s not easy!

I decided that if I really want to make a go of anything my heart has to be in it and it has to a part of me. I feel so alive when I’m behind the camera, looking  at the world through a little hole. I took a walk around a neighborhood in the big city today(big compared to a population of 6000 in my town) with my ipod on and my camera in hand and it hit me. This is it- this is me! So here I am confessing to you that the girl you met when this blog first started no longer lives here.

I hope you will hang out and get to know the real me. She isn’t as edgy or provocative as that other girl but I think you’ll like her if you just give her a chance. I’m sure there will be more confessions and more of me to come out in the near future but this is it for now.

Have a wonderful weekend!

xo-jj

May 29, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, photography, rants | , , , , , , | 10 Comments