A river of words

The light filtered through my window in such a way that I became engaged, motivated, no, compelled to capture it’s essence. One click and it was done, the color, the moment, the magic only lasted for a minute or two before the morning light took on another position. It morphed itself into something benign. 

If you wait long enough anything will change. It happens when you’re not looking, at night when you are fast asleep but sometimes the transformation takes place right in front of your eyes.

One of my roles in the family is peacemaker or it maybe better defined as channel master. I listen, I talk and then I defuse the situation. It’s not as simple as all that and it doesn’t work half the time but I always give it my best shot. I’m comfortable in that role most days except a day like today, when all I want is to be my own guide, my own channel master. To have time to listen to me and then quickly change the channel if I don’t like the feature presentation.

The act of writing/typing this on-line diary is a revelation for me. I start out on one subject and then quickly change to something entirely different.  It’s a great opportunity to reveal my inner most thoughts. What starts out as a quick post becomes a river of words which are the deepest aspect of who I am at this very moment. I’m so glad I have someone to share them with.

xo-jj

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Notes to myself

You don’t have to be all things, all-knowing, or perfect.

What if you are just you, your true self, flaws and all.

It’s okay if you’re not good at everything.

It’s okay to be yourself.

No one cares if your outfit is a little mismatched, a bit wrinkled, or tired.

You’re supposed to look older and have a gray hair or two.

The only thing expected of you, is you, your true self, the person living on the inside.

Your job is to just be and nothing else.

Let it happen.

Do you ever wonder why we expect so much of ourselves and why we can’t get over the fact that we aren’t everything we want to be or everything someone else wants us to be? Can you live with yourself as is, without regret? It’s hard but I’m realizing  just how important it is and trying my dammedest to do it.

A while back I talked about the book A Sea of Whispers that I self-published. After receiving my copies, I gave them out as Christmas gifts to my family. I mentioned in a previous post, offering this book in my Etsy shop sometime in the future. That future isn’t today. It still might happen.  I’ve realized that it’s not important to share what I think or feel with the world but to offer something that captures your thoughts and views. I’d like to merge this book into a journal that records your self- discovery and journey through life. A place where you can record your thoughts without being censored. A place where you are free to be your authentic self. This idea gives me something to work on. I plan to talk to the company that published my book and see what we could offer at an affordable price.

We are all on a journey and have a story to tell and that’s important. I have to say my journey would not be the same without each one of you. It’s funny that it’s so easy to share myself with people I’ve never met. Perhaps it’s because we have a certain need or connection that bonds us so tightly. Or maybe we feel comfortable because we never have to meet face to face. It’s kind of like having an imaginary friend. The fact that you are very real sometimes overwhelms me. I can’t believe I have shared so much of myself with all of you.

Thank you for listening and just being there when I needed to share. You’ll never know how much it’s meant to me.

xo-junie

Diary of the girl next door

Dear Diary,

If you are white, are a girl, have a family and look pretty ordinary than you just might be considered the girl next door. I never really subscribed to that theory or most other stereo types initiated by the middle class. Growing up middle class in a small town I felt protected, a little ordinary maybe but still protected. I never worried about whether there would be food on the table, a warm bed to sleep in and I never thought about violence of any kind. I wasn’t allowed to watch R-rated movies (which are more like the PG movies of today) and anything labeled adult conversation was not spoken in front of the children, ever!  I was a country girl from the mid-west and knew very little about life outside small town America. It was implied that I would finish school, get married and raise a family, whether I had a career or not was up for grabs.  Things were pretty simple and quite ordinary back then. I was considered the girl next door. I knew a lot of girl next door types and some were quite ordinary like me but then there were others that were anything but ordinary.  They might have been considered the girl next door at first glance but if truth be told their membership would be revoked in a heart beat. But the world was a little more polite back then (I’m talking the late 70’s- early 80’s)  and we lived by the golden rule of don’t ask- don’t tell. I’m not so sure that’s a good rule, well it doesn’t really matter because that rule has changed. Kids are no longer sweet & innocent until they arrive at adulthood and you’ll be hard-pressed to find a sixteen year old kid that hasn’t seen at least one R-rated movie.

So what happened? Is it a good thing that the girl next door doesn’t  exist anymore. Are we any safer now that our kids know what the world is all about both good and bad? What they don’t know can be googled  in 30 seconds, anyway. Although, I believe it’s dangerous to be too naive, fear invokes limitations on people.  They used to say “what you don’t know can’t hurt you” but today there isn’t much we don’t know. That theory was completely bogus anyway.

Now that this middle class- girl next door approaches middle age she kind-of, sort-of misses her bubble of innocence but then she also wonders what would have been if that bubble had never existed in the first place.  What if I’d known then what I know now…

xo-jj

Note to self

Lush and lovely

Dear Junie,

Love the journey not just the end result. I know you think you have things all figured out- you don’t. I know you think you can’t possibly have a vibrant career- you can.  Life isn’t a dress rehearsal and there aren’t any retakes, so make every day count- do it, do it all!

Love me

Feeling inspired by this lovely apartment building in downtown Portland.

 Sweet perfection

This entrance drips quiet elegance and artsy inspiration. My apartment of choice would be the beautiful balcony to your right. Imagine sipping your morning cup of coffee while tending the flowers. Yeah, I’m already there….

Wishing you a day of inspiration.

xo-jj

Lingering in a summer’s day

 

My mind is quiet as the light is lingering in a dance on the lawn and the trees are gently bending in a late afternoon breeze. It’s perfect, really, warm enough for a tank top and shorts but not hot enough to force a sweat. The sunflowers are bright and cheerful as the smell of grilled chicken floats thru the neighborhood. I could stay in this moment forever, summer sun, garden flowers, succulent food on the grill, gentle breezes in my hair and the a little wren bringing dinner back to the nest. Summer afternoons are a perfect time for curious minds to wander while a tired body rests. My thoughts are misty but recognizable. I see lush gardens in the mist and hear the ocean just beyond my tattered little cottage that sits amongst the roses over looking a craggy cliff to the ocean. It’s so serene and perfect just like this summer afternoon.

dear summer,

please stay for a little while longer or maybe forever. I love everything about you: your warm breath, bright and beautiful skies, flower filled fields, and even a little sweat here and there. I would trade an evening by the fire, my sexy leather boots and favorite pair of woolen mittens for an eternal summer, if only you would stay.

Free to just be…..

xo-jj

Ghost story image and Dear Diary update…

 

You know the things you think you want to change about yourself? The very same kinks you try so hard to keep secret. Well my friends, these are the things that make you unique, your true self,  with a few quirks,  a couple bad habits, and scar here and there.  This uniqueness is where your true power lies, it’s the stuff within these very layers that make up that part of  you….. that is so uniquely you! It’s important that we embrace our true self and stand up for what we believe in- sometimes not so easy to do but oh, so powerful! It’s usually during my down times when I’m once again reminded of this fact and that’s when my true power or core ignites and takes over.

Although photography is my greatest love sometimes I like to dabble in other artsy endevors like making jewelry or whatever else comes to mind. The above necklace is one of the pieces I made while needing a little extra strength. I don’t wear it often. It usually rests on a little alter niche in the corner of my office.

The photo below is in response to my sweet friend Lucinda and her request to see the house from my ghost story. So this weekend I took a drive past that house and snapped this image just for her and you. If you didn’t have the opportunity to read my last post Dear Dairy, I’ve had better days click on the previous link and catch up.

 

The house still looks pretty empty to me but this Methodist Church campground is full of old vacant cottages, it’s kind of spooky sometimes. I’ve always wondered what really happened the day I visited that cottage but Debbie and I just didn’t talk about it much. We did some pretty crazy stuff as kids, like hopping on a bus to see how far we could get on thirteen dollars. The bus driver called her mother who called my mother and I’m sure you can guess the rest of that story.

 

After the terrible incident on Friday morning, Mr. Java and I managed to catch the remaining kittens and the mamma cat. It took six hours and wasn’t complete until shortly after midnight. They are locked in our garage until the babies are tame enough to handle. Then they will be off to forever homes and the Momma cat will be spayed by my vet and then released back to her hunting grounds. I will still feed her if she needs me to but no more babies. I don’t know how I get myself into these things but this isn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last either.

I’m behind on my blog visits but promise to catch up this week!

xo-jj

If you blog it they will come…

 Remember your first time… ? (oh yeah…) Hey, I’m talking about blogging here! You know when you first got this crazy idea to start a blog and you were so excited and maybe even a little nervous. Well maybe that was just me. I remember how naive I was. I thought, “okay I’m going to do this just for me and not tell anyone about it.” I will say whatever I want, tell all of my secrets, rant about anyone and everyone who may or may not have pissed me off that day and listen to everyone else tell their story.  I thought the minute I put up a post there would be swarms of Internet junkies just waiting to comment because everyone is so interested in knowing what I have to say, right? I know, I know you’re shaking your head…. poor naive girl, where did she come from?

I learned very quickly that it takes work to get your name out there and just because someone visits doesn’t necessarily mean they will have something to say. Let alone share their secrets with you. Well things have changed a bit but not too much. I still tell you most (okay a lot) of my secrets, sometimes in a round about way and I do rant quite often. I do get an email with a story or comment from time to time.  ( I also get emails asking for my bank account info and gentleman asking me to set them up with a lady friend for the night, where the hell did they get the crazy idea that I was running an escort service?) A few people read what I have to say and it’s fun to just let loose even if nobody is listening or reading.

So all of the above rambling brings me to this question- what were your expectations when you started to blog and have they been met? Do you do it as a release or are you trying to connect with people who have similar interests? Oh sorry that’s two questions.

For me blogging is all the above and more. It is definitely a release, even if no one is listening and a way to connect and exchange ideas but most of all it’s a form of entertainment (it sure beats what”s usually on TV)  That’s how or why the “Sofa Diary” was born( if you’re new to this blog click here for info about the Sofa Diary) . I started the book first and then decided to let it spill over on to this blog. It certainly beats my childhood diary, with pictures and everything.  So that’s it for today… I was just curious as to why you blog, I’m always curious!

Enjoy the weekend.

xo-jj