Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

My fears and is the pot half full or half empty?

IMG_0399 5

 I snuck into the green house down the street last night, (Okay they new I was there) to take this shot of old clay pots- love them!

Just this morning I was thinking about the things that hold me back; they’re very real and kind of scary, so I guess you could call them fears. I’ve always been fearful of certain things, like: the dentist, snakes, big spiders, death and sometimes the dark. The difference between always and now is that my list of fears has grown by leaps and bounds. Some of these thoughts could be considered worries more so than full blown fears but even so they’re disruptive like a nagging tooth ache that prevents me from enjoying the sweet stuff that life has to offer. 

IMG_0330 2

I think I’ll eat this pear today. It was so pretty I hated to take a bite but now that I have this picture, I think it’s time.

Here are a few things that have made their way to my list in recent years.

1. fear of growing old- in mind and body (I want to live to be 100 in a young mind and body)

2. fear of looking old ( I know looks aren’t everything but I still want to look good)

3. fear of losing my parents ( didn’t think about that until I saw it happen to friends)

4. fear of losing any other loved ones ( kind of worried about that before but more so now)

5. fear of failure (didn’t used to worry about failing so- I took more chances)

6. fear of losing my health (the c word and other dreading things  are in the back of my mind)

7. fear of financial collapse (  brought on by the depression or whatever it is we’re experiencing)

8. etc and many more too numerous to mention

Now you may look at this list and think it’s not much different than anyone else’s list. That may be true but I didn’t used to worry about things like this. I just leaped over the hurdles and kept going without paying a whole lot of attention to fearful things.  Can I be that girl again or is it inevitable that as we reach the middle age mark (the dreaded forty) we look at the world a little differently. It may just be an attitude the pot half full vs half empty kind of thing. Well, I want my pot filled up to the brim no half full containers will do for me, thank you very much.

I guess this week’s assignment in my unravelling class brought this list of fears to my attention. We’ve been assigned the dreaded task of  taking four images of our face and then posting  them on flickr, for the whole world to see. I’m terrified… I usually hate my pictures and trying to take four head shots of myself that I would keep in my private photo files is nearly impossible let alone pictures I want to show in public. It goes back to #2 on the list, fear of looking old. I hate that one!

Okay I’m sick of complaining. I’ll let you know how the picture taking goes. I want to share something fun with all of you, fd’s flickr toys. It’s a handy little sight that allows you to do some fun things with your pictures. I made the mosaic below on this sight. It’s fun and pretty easy so give it a try. It might just make your pot look half full- oh hell let’s fill’er up to the brim.

mosaic

Have a terrific Tuesday.

xo-jj

Advertisements

June 2, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, rants, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Another day, another mis-adventure

IMG_4277

I started out so determined to get a few pictures in my camera before the sunset. I decided to go to a place that I don’t usually shoot. So I got in my car and drove about 25 miles away to a public garden. The whole way something was nagging at me but I ignored my inner voice of reason and drove on. When  I arrived at the park I couldn’t wait to start capturing the evening light. The light was just gorgeous and the park was at the peek of it’s spring bloom.

Creamy whites and yummy pinks were everywhere!

IMG_4313

 I was in photography heaven except for those nagging thoughts that said, “what would your mother say about you going out alone to a public and very deserted place at dusk? Have you learned nothing over the years? You know bad things happen when you don’t listen to me (yourself)” Yeah it went something like that. I knew it was a bad idea and that nagging voice kept me from getting too involved and probably from capturing the best pictures. I crept around but all the while I kept one eye on the gate and then back to the bushes behind me. I did manage to get some amazing shots but couldn’t totally let go and do my best work with that gnawing fear in my gut.

IMG_4340

 

The last time I went into a park alone and didn’t listen to my gut I got robbed, not hurt, just robbed but that was enough. Well on this night I didn’t get robbed and nothing bad happened because as soon as I heard the gate swing and saw the shadow of a man entering the garden I was off like a flash.

IMG_4359

I retreated to my locked car where I felt safe and was capable of  a get-away just in case. I hate to be like that and these thoughts make me feel cheated out of the full experience of life. I hate being afraid or a worry wart but what else can a 5′ 1″, 102 pound girl do? Perhaps I could hire a sexy body guard to follow me everywhere. He would have to go where ever I wanted and say nothing like, “are you done yet? or lets go get something to eat.” He would have to go willingly and like it. Here I go thinking of ways to spend money again. Oh BTW as I was heading to the parking lot I noticed that there was someone or some critter watching out for me.

IMG_4376

 

He was way up in a tree, having an evening snack as he looked down at me. I think all animals are cute even the ones who did holes and make a mess of your yard.

I guess what I really wanted to say with this post is to listen to your inner voice because it’s there for a reason. Be safe and have a wonderful weekend!

xo-jj

May 22, 2009 Posted by | me, photography, rants | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments