The light filtered through my window in such a way that I became engaged, motivated, no, compelled to capture it’s essence. One click and it was done, the color, the moment, the magic only lasted for a minute or two before the morning light took on another position. It morphed itself into something benign.
If you wait long enough anything will change. It happens when you’re not looking, at night when you are fast asleep but sometimes the transformation takes place right in front of your eyes.
One of my roles in the family is peacemaker or it maybe better defined as channel master. I listen, I talk and then I defuse the situation. It’s not as simple as all that and it doesn’t work half the time but I always give it my best shot. I’m comfortable in that role most days except a day like today, when all I want is to be my own guide, my own channel master. To have time to listen to me and then quickly change the channel if I don’t like the feature presentation.
The act of writing/typing this on-line diary is a revelation for me. I start out on one subject and then quickly change to something entirely different. It’s a great opportunity to reveal my inner most thoughts. What starts out as a quick post becomes a river of words which are the deepest aspect of who I am at this very moment. I’m so glad I have someone to share them with.
I’ve returned home with mixed emotions dancing around in my head but my heart is filled with joy. Joy for the moments and people in my life, joy for the opportunities and beauty the universe has to offer and joy in this very moment here with you. It’s important to get lost in the moments and let go of some of the self-control that runs our lives. That grip can squeeze every once of goodness out of the present time. Some times it’s important to slow down and just breathe, cloud gaze, dig in the dirt, feel gratitude and cultivate that inner smile.
I’m lingering an inner smile that feels a bit like the slippery moments that are enjoyed during the in-between state of consciousness. My mind is wandering, reflecting, but mostly enjoying the tiny joyful moments of my life that are strung closely together.
My trip was filled with moments, of feeling lost without care, discovery of new places and people, taking in the sights of a beautiful landscape and the feeling of letting go. Opening up and letting go can be painful but it can also be a beautiful thing. We wandered the city of Portland without any concept of time and experienced a culture that was new and somewhat unusual.
I met up with my wonderful on-line friend, Lucinda, and she took me sight seeing along the gorge. Thank you Lucinda, you’re a beautiful person! The next morning my son and I journeyed westward through miles of forests until we reached the ocean shore. We then drove across the beach with sea-spray in our hair and a laugh in our hearts. It was a beautiful moment of madness and freedom as I began to let go. My control flowed out the window and tumbled across the beach until it met with the sea. Who knows where it went from there.
Our wandering took us to the mountains and back. It was a series of beautiful moments of self- discovery and sharing. Good-byes are never easy but quite often necessary. Infinite love is something a mother fully understands. The landscape was only a symbol for what we were about to experience as mother and child. The act of letting go of someone you love, so that he can soar, is like climbing a mountain. There are moments of pain and difficulty that must be endured. My difficulty was answered back with a veiw that was more beautiful and liberating than anything thus far. The sight of my child spreading his wings with the courage to leave the nest is one of those joyful moments.
“Something good will come of this.” I told myself as I boarded the plane alone. I felt my body lighten as I opened up to the moment and all the infinite possibilities that life has to offer and then I was truly free, just like the clouds outside my window.
Someone once said, “The key elements of life are time and people.”
Let go and just breathe, Junie, just breathe!
Someone once said,
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. “
I’ve always had a secret desire to buy an old VW hippy van and travel across the US with my camera, a notebook and an open mind. I would love the adventure of an open road laid out before me and the nostalgia of a retro ride not to mention the great gas mileage. So as I embark on my journey in the air to the Pacific North West I will close my eyes and imagine that I’m making this journey on the open road, in this….
I found this pic on Wheels weekly- I love it. Now imagine my face behind the wheel with a big smile. Get packed Jana, my stylish friend, I’m headed your way and yes your bare feet are welcome on the dash. I can see us now with the wind in our hair and not a care on our faces as we head into Portland to pick up an artsy goddess named Lucinda on our way to the beach. We’ll be having a claim bake in the sand and everyone is invited to join us. Lisa, the beautiful world traveler, is headed up the coast in her sports car for the unravelling reunion. I can’t wait to meet her. I know Susannah the unravelling queen and many others will be there. There will be laughter and tears that will last for several days. Music playing, cameras clicking and wine flowing as the surf tumbles across our feet.
That’s my fantasy trip but reality is quite different. I’m headed to Portland Oregon with my son to get him set up for a college internship. There will be many details to tidy up and then a sad goodbye as I leave him in in the north west and return home alone. I’m happy he is taking this opportunity but sad that he’ll be so far from home. I know it’s only a plane ride away but a flight to Pacific North West is damned expensive. That V-dub bus is looking better all the time.
This trip will be busy but we’ll take some time for fun, a jaunt to the west coast and a visit with my Unravelling friend Lucinda, but this growing up stuff is hard to except. I’m thankful and sad at the same time. So the real deal is that I will be headed to the Detroit airport a little before 5am tomorrow morning to board a plane headed westward. Deborah, The Mid-life Poet, and sweetest girl in blog-land, has promised to be floating in the pool as I fly-over around 10:45 Michigan time. I will return next week and resume a normal life of a mid-western girl.
It’s time for a little more caffeine and a lot of busy work getting ready for the trip. I have bags to pack, a house to clean, errands to run and hugs to give before I embark on my journey across the country. Leave me your thoughts and words of wisdom and I will try to check in during the trip.
Oregon is a beautiful place with it’s many bridges over rivers that are cut out of the mountains, on a rage toward the sea. I hope to have some insightful moments and wonderful images to share with all of you when I return but for now I leave you with a quote from one of my faves by Norman Maclean.
“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.
I am haunted by waters.”
Bye for now.
Let the journey begin…