(the grand-princess escaping another photo session)
I had to do it-tell you about the monster that haunted my dreams last night. It all started around mid-night as I was getting ready for bed. I was standing in the master bath ready to pull on my pj’s when I saw it. The most hideous monster ever sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor!
Well of course I screamed and then jumped up on the tub ledge. I called to Mr. Java (yeah there’s a Mr. Java I’ve kept him secret and just for me- I’m selfish and don’t share very well) to come to my rescue and even though it was after twelve and Mr. Java had been sleeping for a bout 30 minutes or so but he managed to stagger out of bed and throw a shoe at this grotesque thing. He hates to kill anything but he knew that if he didn’t we, or at least I, would be up all night, with the lights on, looking for the beast. He knew this because I pretty much screamed it throughout the bedroom, “you got one shot- so kill it or else we’re gonna be up all night or at least until he’s dead!”
Yeah, I was quite the authority figure cowering naked on the edge of the tub. No super-girl here! Well, he threw his big shoe and thank god he used to be a baseball player because he hit the bulls eye and yes the wicked wench was dead. You should have seen the thing, so hideous I’m not sure I can describe it. The beast was big really big about the size of the palm of my hand and pale or ghostly white. It looked like something that is an albino and only comes out after darkness. It had fangs, now I couldn’t see the fangs from my hiding place in the bathroom but I know they were there 😉 I was going to do the google thing and look for gortesque pictures of this monster but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
What was left under Mr. Java’s big shoe was a squishy, gooie mess. This thing was full of juicy guts , he was probably flesh eating. After the ritual or more like brutal killing Mr. Java walked past me to flush the remains and I swear I saw the Shadow of something else creepy out of the corner of my eye so I jumped on his back. Well, as I said he was a little tired after I woke him, with all the screaming and shouting out orders, so he kind of lost his balance and there we were lying in a naked heap on the floor. Yes, he did manage a few words that I can’t mention here but I don’t think it fazed him much because by now he is quite used to my hysterics and usually just ignores most of my drama.
I know what you’re thinking, poor Mr. Java, how does he take all the drama of a girl who screams in the night at a spider/beast, then tackles him to the floor because she’s afraid of the darkness and oh yeah, and she sometimes springs out of bed to photograph the twinkling lights in the garden but worst of all, she spends all his money on her latest crazy dream/project. Oh did I mention that I’m not a very good cook, either? I never said I was perfect. I have my good points- I just can’t think of them right now.
I’ll say it again, “no super-girl here.”
Sorry for the run-on and very incorrect sentenses but I just love the fact that there are no rules here and I can say it however I want to. I think Katharine Hepburn said it best with this quote: “If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.”
– Katharine Hepburn
I love that!
VERY< SEXY< SEXY (serendipity movie quote)
In keeping with our Valentine’s weekend’s theme of love, I thought I would share some lovely thoughts with you. My Valentine’s Day morning began with the movie Serendipity which is the ultimate romantic movie and one of my all time favs. It stars John Cusack- love him!!! Kate Beckinsale’s character kind of reminds me of ME and her predicament is something that I could totally see myself involved in. The soundtrack is phenomenal- especially if you’re a cult fan of the late Nick Drake. Speaking of ultimate romance, I have the perfect love story to share with you. It’s not my story but one that belongs to a dear friend of mine and I know she won’t mind if I share it with you.
Caroline was a young wife and mother of four. She thought her marriage was solid when she quit her job and hit the books in pursuit of a nursing career. Shortly before she finished her degree her husband had an affair which left her to raise four kids without a job or enough money to support them. A few months later on Christmas eve she found herself sitting under a bare Christmas tree without a single gift for the kids. She was having a good cry, when there came a knock at the door. To Caroline’s surprise the man standing at her door was the husband to the woman who ran off with her ex. Tom showed up with gifts for the kids and food for a complete Christmas dinner. He helped her decorate the tree and wrap the gifts. After the holiday, Tom began to check on Caroline with periodic phone calls and dropped by to deliver groceries. A budding romance ensued and they were married a year later. He helped her raise the 4 children and a fifth child that they conceived together. A little Karma or serendipity, perhaps? Either way it’s the perfect story to wrap-up this weekend of love. Okay, you’ll have to carry on without me; I have a date with a box of chocolate truffles.
Please welcome Betty Lou to the sofa.
Do you know what its like to an original? I’m sure you don’t. Do have ideas or inspirations of your own? I think I know the answer to that. Get your own life and definitely stay in your own lane. I’m tired of you following my lead, hopping on whatever train I’m riding, trying to top my best game. I’m not your hero. It’s over I’m calling your bluff, so mind your own life and definitely get your own show. This life is already spoken for.
Junie: Very well put. This should be a song. Maybe it already is.
Hey Sofa Diary readers, I wanted to take a moment to give cuddos to the people of New York. I am not surprised at the way they pulled together in the rescue of the US Air passengers. My time spent in Manhattan has left me in awe of the day to day lives of it’s residents. It is quite a chore just to schlep your way to work and back every day. I was amazed at the lack of obesity and amount of energy these people posses. They seem to go about their business every day with little interaction until the need arises and then they pull together with amazing strength.
I am one who loves to travel and isn’t content to see only the icons or normal tourist attractions of the city. I want to go were the locals hang out to get a taste of the way real people live. On my last trip to Manhattan I decided to visit the Lower East-side where many of our early immigrants began. I wanted to get a glimpse of the so-called trendy Orchard street and the neighborhood in transition. I read that the rent was still affordable here, so there were many dress designers and young professionals opening up shop on this side of town. It was supposed to be a great place to experience the trendy side of the city and a few sample sales. As I tell you this I can’t help but shake my head and laugh at the naivet’e that makes me an adventurous girl who sometimes gets herself into trouble. After a little coaxing I managed to convince my group to follow me to this trendy side of town. I promised that it would be fun and exciting. Well it was certainly all of that and then some. When I promise-I deliver.
I swear to you it was just like stepping off the subway and onto a movie set. I looked around for the camera and a man shouting action. The buildings were very run down and graffiti covered, many were without windows. I didn’t take time to look around for sample sales or to appreciate the unique culture because I was too busy running and sweating. I laughed (sometimes I laugh when I’m scared), I cried, I might have even screamed. Yes I am a naive girl from a small city and I have never seen anything like this neighborhood- aside from the movies. There were pimps in suits and stereotypical hats pulling sassy hookers down the street in their high heel shoes, fur coats , very mini skirts with barely anything else covering their bodies. Freaky looking people that I had only seen in the movies were everywhere. A young man less than 5 foot tall with one leg much longer than the other walked passed me. He walked with the longest leg bent to match the length of the short one. He was wearing a three piece suit and matching hat as he carried a brief case that hung just inches from the ground. Despite all of this he passed me walking at an amazing clip. There were gang members and drug dealers staring in my face as I passed by. Everyone seemed to know where they were going at a quick pace. Everyone except for my group, who was becoming increasingly angry with me. We were looking for the subway going up-town and afraid to ask any of the colorful individuals on the street how to get there. It was an experience for sure but I missed seeing any trendy people or swanky sample sales. Matter of fact I missed everything because all I could think about was being stuck by the needle I saw in the hand of a junkie, standing on the corner. If I escaped the junkie, then for sure I would be drug off to an alley and stabbed by a knife , hanging off the belt of the man walking next to me. Nothing like that happened. I don’t think any of the questionable people, that I couldn’t take my eyes off, even noticed me. Doesn’t this sound like the backdrop for a movie? Needless to say my friends refused to follow me to Harlem the next day.
New York is a wonderful place of energetic and highly successful people as long as you stick to the right neighborhood. They take in stride the swat teams running in and out of Grande Central Station, which is a must see by the way, and they aren’t rattled by the thousands of people shoulder to shoulder in Times Square, nor do they shutter at the police with assault riffles lining 5th avenue during the Easter Parade.
New York, New York is an experience not to be missed and a visit to the site of 911 is worth the trip alone ( that description will take an entirely separate post) but one word of advice from a crazy girl without a clue- leave your naivet’e at home. I will say that I felt very safe most of the time and yes I am considered to be a tad dramatic at times.
Again my cuddos to the pilot of flight 1549, the flight crew and the many civilians along the Hudson River who helped with the rescue efforts. They are all heroes in my diary. I just had to share; I hope you don’t mind.
Please welcome Bob to the sofa.
I am an animal lover who was left with no choice- so I stole my neighbors dog. He is a heartless idiot who left his beagle outside in the cold Michigan winter without food or water. One morning I just couldn’t take seeing her tied out in the yard freezing to death, so I walked right over and just took her – no remorse. I didn’t care if that bastard saw me or called the police. I gave her to my brother’s friend where she will be loved and have a warm place to sleep every night.
My idiot neighbor came over that night and asked if I’d seen his dog. I lied and said that I hadn’t seen a thing. There should be a law that forbids assholes and idiots from becoming dog owners or parents.
Junie: I love your heroic action. I’m sure the dog thanks you every night he sleeps in a warm bed with a full belly. Good job Bob!