The light filtered through my window in such a way that I became engaged, motivated, no, compelled to capture it’s essence. One click and it was done, the color, the moment, the magic only lasted for a minute or two before the morning light took on another position. It morphed itself into something benign.
If you wait long enough anything will change. It happens when you’re not looking, at night when you are fast asleep but sometimes the transformation takes place right in front of your eyes.
One of my roles in the family is peacemaker or it maybe better defined as channel master. I listen, I talk and then I defuse the situation. It’s not as simple as all that and it doesn’t work half the time but I always give it my best shot. I’m comfortable in that role most days except a day like today, when all I want is to be my own guide, my own channel master. To have time to listen to me and then quickly change the channel if I don’t like the feature presentation.
The act of writing/typing this on-line diary is a revelation for me. I start out on one subject and then quickly change to something entirely different. It’s a great opportunity to reveal my inner most thoughts. What starts out as a quick post becomes a river of words which are the deepest aspect of who I am at this very moment. I’m so glad I have someone to share them with.
You don’t have to be all things, all-knowing, or perfect.
What if you are just you, your true self, flaws and all.
It’s okay if you’re not good at everything.
It’s okay to be yourself.
No one cares if your outfit is a little mismatched, a bit wrinkled, or tired.
You’re supposed to look older and have a gray hair or two.
The only thing expected of you, is you, your true self, the person living on the inside.
Your job is to just be and nothing else.
Let it happen.
Do you ever wonder why we expect so much of ourselves and why we can’t get over the fact that we aren’t everything we want to be or everything someone else wants us to be? Can you live with yourself as is, without regret? It’s hard but I’m realizing just how important it is and trying my dammedest to do it.
A while back I talked about the book A Sea of Whispers that I self-published. After receiving my copies, I gave them out as Christmas gifts to my family. I mentioned in a previous post, offering this book in my Etsy shop sometime in the future. That future isn’t today. It still might happen. I’ve realized that it’s not important to share what I think or feel with the world but to offer something that captures your thoughts and views. I’d like to merge this book into a journal that records your self- discovery and journey through life. A place where you can record your thoughts without being censored. A place where you are free to be your authentic self. This idea gives me something to work on. I plan to talk to the company that published my book and see what we could offer at an affordable price.
We are all on a journey and have a story to tell and that’s important. I have to say my journey would not be the same without each one of you. It’s funny that it’s so easy to share myself with people I’ve never met. Perhaps it’s because we have a certain need or connection that bonds us so tightly. Or maybe we feel comfortable because we never have to meet face to face. It’s kind of like having an imaginary friend. The fact that you are very real sometimes overwhelms me. I can’t believe I have shared so much of myself with all of you.
Thank you for listening and just being there when I needed to share. You’ll never know how much it’s meant to me.
I sold this writing journal in my studio a year ago.
I think firsts are so important, first kiss, first birthdays, first house, etc. There is nothing like the first time. You just can’t recreate that feeling of a first time discovery or indulgence. I am very open to trying new things and I love to look at things in a new way. It’s called a beginners mind and it allows me to realize that every single moment carries something distinctive within it. You could say it’s kind of a Zen thing or child-like. The possibilities are endless when your in this state of mind. Although I am very open and love to try new things, MR. Java is not and does not. So every once in a while I feel it necessary to surprise him with something that he would never do if given the choice. Something totally spontaneous and maybe a little crazy. He usually resists and groans a bit in the beginning but we almost always end up having a great time. So for our anniversary I decided to do something a little unusual for him. Tonight we will embark on a ghost tour of Detroit. He and I and a couple of friends will board a bus along with 14 other brave souls, to several locations known to have paranormal activity. This is way out of the normal realm of things for us but thats what makes it perfect. He thinks we’re just going to dinner… he hee!
MR. Java has been way too into work lately and needs a diversion in the worst way. I can see it now- he will give me a squinty eyed glance and shake his head, as if to say, what have you gotten us into now- I love that look, it makes me smile.
They always make me smile!
Speaking of things that make me smile, I have to share something incredible with you. It’s a youtube video that is so worth a moment of your time. It took place in Chicago, the magnitude of so many people doing the same thing simultaneously, in perfect harmony, just blew me away. Keep an eye on Oprah and the total joy on her face. Notice the crazy girl in the front-she’s the only one dancing at first but then… The energy of this video is infectious- you just have to see/feel it for yourself! I got a feeling!!!
Isn’t that incredible? I would have loved to have been there! Like Oprah said it’s JOY Rising! My favorite part is the wave toward the end when everyone is touching the person next to them. I love the upbeat music of the Black-eyed Peas but the energy in the crowd is phenominal- if this can’t inspire world peace, nothing can. I have to confess something a little embarresing, this video made shed a tear because it was so beautiful!