The light filtered through my window in such a way that I became engaged, motivated, no, compelled to capture it’s essence. One click and it was done, the color, the moment, the magic only lasted for a minute or two before the morning light took on another position. It morphed itself into something benign.
If you wait long enough anything will change. It happens when you’re not looking, at night when you are fast asleep but sometimes the transformation takes place right in front of your eyes.
One of my roles in the family is peacemaker or it maybe better defined as channel master. I listen, I talk and then I defuse the situation. It’s not as simple as all that and it doesn’t work half the time but I always give it my best shot. I’m comfortable in that role most days except a day like today, when all I want is to be my own guide, my own channel master. To have time to listen to me and then quickly change the channel if I don’t like the feature presentation.
The act of writing/typing this on-line diary is a revelation for me. I start out on one subject and then quickly change to something entirely different. It’s a great opportunity to reveal my inner most thoughts. What starts out as a quick post becomes a river of words which are the deepest aspect of who I am at this very moment. I’m so glad I have someone to share them with.
A very ordinary girl now middle-aged woman who thinks extraordinary thoughts in no particuliar order
A very ordinary girl now middle-aged woman who thinks extraordinary thoughts in no particular order. I’m thinking this may become a new feature on my blog. Perhaps I’ll touch on it once a week or twice a month or maybe even every other post. I can’t be pinned down right now or get caught up in the details, I have too much to say. I may start at the beginning, at the end or maybe even in the middle because I do things like that
I thought my life was going to turn out differently, after all I have a destiny, a mission, a niche, but I haven’t found it just yet. I know it’s out there, lurking in the shadows just waiting for the right moment to happen.
I couldn’t wait to grow up and find my purpose, that niche, my something but I had to get married to my high school sweet-heart, have kids and purchase my first house before I could pursue my dreams. Those things were too important to let get away and they had to get done before I was too set in my ways to get married, too old to have kids and before I had spent most of my adult life in a rented apartment.
While raising kids I knew that my something was out there but I was too busy, too fulfilled and way too brain-dead to go looking for it. It would have to wait and wait and wait.
How long should one wait? Should I start looking? Actually I think I’ve been looking all along but no niche. I’ve always thought that when I was ready it would just happen. All I had to do was wish for it and the answer would become, loud and clear, a flash of light, an epiphany, happiness.
I use to dream of a life in the big city. This life included my loving family, the perfect house, a little fame and a lot of money. All made possible by my thriving career. I had my whole life ahead of me and plenty of time to achieve everything I’d hoped for. It was going to happen. I could feel it. I just had to get through the next few years of raising my family before it could happen. I raised my family and now when I look back I know that those were the most fulfilling years of my life. Perhaps thats why I put off the dream, my wish.
As the years passed my dreams and wishes got a lot smaller and a little closer to home.
I once wished for a beautiful white cat to fill my house with cozy charm, to make it feel homey and full. I envisioned her sitting in the front window when I arrived home in the evening, waiting for my company.
I wished and a couple of months later he showed up. He was different from what I envisioned, his fur was short with tan patches and he was absent a tail. I welcomed him into my home anyway but he didn’t like the indoors. he preferred the porch to my cozy office. So now when I arrive home I find him waiting not on my window sil but waiting all the same. By the way he brought friends-I feed them too.
I wished for more children and I got a grandchild. Grandchildren are God’s greatest work and I never tire of their company. I’m not your typical grandma. I don’t bake. I can barely cook and I wear jeans with holes in the knees.
A few years ago I wished for more time with my family and something happened at work that made it justified for me to quit. I never looked back because I was sure this was a sign and my special talents were about to emerge. That was two and a half years ago. I’ve tried on a few hats since then but nothing fits. Someone once said, “I think you just don’t like to work” not true. I just want to feel passionate about what I’m doing, be good at it and make a living while doing it.
Not all my wishes come true. I’ve wished for something I enjoyed, loved, something I was really good at. It had to be a career where I could make a living while doing it. Something all my own. Nothing happened. I’m afraid it may take a little work on my part to find it, patience and focus, things I’m not very good at. I have the attention span of a three-year old child after she has consumed an entire box of cookies, chocolate chip of course.
I’m not whinning and I’m certainly not ungrateful for all the wonderful things in my life. I’m just wondering if maybe I’m going about this quest for success and completion all wrong. Perhaps…
This is just me thinking out loud 🙂
So feminine and fabulous in a boho kind of way. As you know I love boho. This dress is drop dead gorgeous and I must confess that I put a bid on it. Not sure it will fit me but I think I could hang it on my closet door and be inspired, no words except love , love!
Vintage fashion is so classy and inspiring.
Once again I’m in love with this look, the crisp white accented by those dramatic black beads. Found this image at junebug weddings, fabulous!
This little number from posh24 is so flirty and fun, let’s do lunch!
Drum roll, please, the most inspiring thing of the day is…
My little princess babies. Ahhhh, okay I’m ready to start my day!
BTW the company, Stella & Dot, is launching a new jewelry line for little girls, it’s available April 26th.
Won’t my baby girls look amazing in these? I can’t wait!
Oh and wish me luck on the bid for the dress.
There is something so special and romantic about vintage fashion. I have long been a fan and collector of vintage jewelry and I admire vintage hats. But this little beauty takes my breath away. It’s so elegant and timeless. Oh and the scarf-very sexy.
This years big hunt for the perfect swim suit ended a few weeks ago before I saw this.
I would pair this suit up with a beachy necklace it’s vintage inspired, from Stella & Dot
I like the suit I choose but if I had seen this one first there wouldn’t have been a dilema- no contest this suit was perfect.
Until I saw this one…
I love, love the flirty little skirt and the ruffles on the top, it’s so me. This suit doesn’t require a necklace but a silk wrap with silver charms from Stella & Dot would be the perfect companion.
This pic is hard to see. It’s is my daughters wrist with 2 wraps, one for each baby girl, birth stones, letter charms and hearts to represent her love for them- it’s awesome.
Unfortunately I discovered these suits a bit too late. My Garnet Hill catalog didn’t arrive until a couple days ago. Oh well I’ll keep them in mind for next year.
This is what I’m wearing today, the necklace on the left. I love the new Palm Beach line- it leaves me inspired.
Enjoy your day….
Do you ever stop to think about how small your focus is and how at times you live in a tiny bubble, you only see what is important to you at that very moment. Our thoughts are immediate and at the center of everything. It’s hard to imagine that our issues are just a passing thought to others. I sometimes forget that the feature playing, center stage in my life, may not be so important to others. Everyone has there very own feature presentation playing on a unique stage and all at the same time.
It’s important to share your life/stage with others while celebrating their individual focus/ issues as well. Our lives are running simultaneously, sometimes our roles collide and intertwine with friends ,family and co-workers but most often we remain totally separate and alone.
I had a conversation with a co-worker yesterday about a friend of theirs who gets fixated on things in her life and can’t see anything or anyone else around her, she doesn’t realize that her issues are not center stage or important to everyone. This conversation made me think about a girl I know who may at times be guilty of same but she’s working on it.
My trunk show went well. I admit that I expected so much more but then I always do. I am trying to learn to enjoy each moment and every little triumph. I want to learn to accept and appreciate the little things and to respect each and every center stage even if my place/role is only in the audience/background.
I’m so glad you are a part of my stage and I yours.
This image was borrowed form a flicker friend
In less than 3 weeks I will be headed for the sand and surf of Captiva island. I’m usually more prepared by now but for some reason, this year, I feel a little more laid back about the whole thing and a lot more unorganized. Just this week the panick of what to wear on the beach set in. Last year’s swimsuit just isn’t going to cut it 😦 So I began the painful process of looking for the perfect suit, stylish, doesn’t scream middle-aged woman but it doesn’t let it all hang out either. I would love to find a suit, try it on, have it fit and just cash and carry.But that almost never happens, instead I always turn to my old stand-by for beach wear, Victoria’s Secret. My suit is ordered and my fingers are crossed, hoping the fit is right.
Click here to see what I’ll be wearing. If I looked like the model in the pic I’d be wearing a swim suit all day long, well maybe not in Michigan…frostbite!
Spring is slowly coming around the corner, I can feel it, ahhhh!
Enjoy your weekend…
The mantra above describes me to a certain extent especially the part about embracing my spirituality, aspiring to my dreams and living through my passions. The unmoveable, unshakeable, unstoppable part I’m still working on.
I’ve tried to live my life in a way that suits me. I’m becoming more environmentally conscious, even my decorating is going green. Living in a healthy way and eliminating stress by spending time in nature and with my lovies.
I’m trying to reuse and repurpose where I can, as in my latest decorating project of recycled magazine pages and vintage jewelry.
I came across the mantra above in the eco-friendly Boho Magazine It supports the notion of living green and being true to one’s self-I love that. I need another magazine subscription like I need another hole in my head but this one is different, it inspires me to keep going and do better-I need that.
It’s so important right now to think globally but buy locally. We should embrace the world like never before but remain loyal by supporting our neighbors.
I’m digging deep on a friday with a little food for thought. Are you a boho girl or guy?
Pink, Pink and more Pink!
It’s a winter wonderland out there today, nothing but white, cold, not a car in sight. So what’s a winter-hating, cabin feverish girl to do? Day dream… pretend, drool and indulge in a little color therapy. I think I could live in Betsy Johnson’s world of pink heaven. Could you? I love the quirky fashions she creates and I’m envious of her beautiful penthouse and very bold choice of color. Do you ever wonder what drives a person like her, how do they step out of the ordinary, get noticed and become an icon.
The dogs are in a hibernative sleep and the cat keeps looking at me, out the window and then back at me, as if to say, do something would you. His faint meow is filled with desperation on the verge of insanity. Get in line Ricky-bobby!
This is the perfect day to get caught up on indoor chores and office organizing, oh sure, perfect for someone who doen’t lack discipline and motivation for such things. This girl is feeling non-productive and she certainly can’t bear another day of incarceration, instead she’ll hop into her tiny, little sports car with 2″ tires and run a few errands. What would Betsy do? If she (me) makes her way through the seven plus inches of snow she will be sure to be first in line at the post office and most likely the only one waiting for a hot cup of mocha, tall, non-fat and no whip, please.
Wish me luck, I better throw in the shovel. he he…
PS: All my love to our friend Renee and her family!
Sometimes I feel deeply connected in a way that is hard to describe. It’s a good feeling providing I don’t fight it or think too much. This is the time to just go with the flow and enjoy where it takes me. It’s the kind of day when I relish a little alone time to appreciate my life.
I started my day with a new kind of workout. It’s a yoga practice that is a little different, full of dynamic energy and hip music. I’ve practiced Hatha yoga on and off for years but more recently I discovered a new form of practice and I love it.
I discovered Kundalini yoga by Ana Brett and Ravi Singh. This dynamic duo has taken an ancient and fairly sobering practice of yoga and given it a bit of a twist with big breath of fresh air, new age style. I love the way yoga makes me feel but get very bored with the same old stuff. So I peruse the Fit TV channel from time to time for new workouts. I tried Ana and Ravi’s 16 minute beginning yoga workout and I”m hooked. I fell in love with the up-beat music and felt inspired when the workout was over. I can’t wait to get the 2 dvd’s I ordered. If you’re intrigued to learn more check out the Ravi Ana store.
I had a little visitor show up at my door this weekend, stay tuned for more details on that.
Enjoy your day!
You don’t have to be all things, all-knowing, or perfect.
What if you are just you, your true self, flaws and all.
It’s okay if you’re not good at everything.
It’s okay to be yourself.
No one cares if your outfit is a little mismatched, a bit wrinkled, or tired.
You’re supposed to look older and have a gray hair or two.
The only thing expected of you, is you, your true self, the person living on the inside.
Your job is to just be and nothing else.
Let it happen.
Do you ever wonder why we expect so much of ourselves and why we can’t get over the fact that we aren’t everything we want to be or everything someone else wants us to be? Can you live with yourself as is, without regret? It’s hard but I’m realizing just how important it is and trying my dammedest to do it.
A while back I talked about the book A Sea of Whispers that I self-published. After receiving my copies, I gave them out as Christmas gifts to my family. I mentioned in a previous post, offering this book in my Etsy shop sometime in the future. That future isn’t today. It still might happen. I’ve realized that it’s not important to share what I think or feel with the world but to offer something that captures your thoughts and views. I’d like to merge this book into a journal that records your self- discovery and journey through life. A place where you can record your thoughts without being censored. A place where you are free to be your authentic self. This idea gives me something to work on. I plan to talk to the company that published my book and see what we could offer at an affordable price.
We are all on a journey and have a story to tell and that’s important. I have to say my journey would not be the same without each one of you. It’s funny that it’s so easy to share myself with people I’ve never met. Perhaps it’s because we have a certain need or connection that bonds us so tightly. Or maybe we feel comfortable because we never have to meet face to face. It’s kind of like having an imaginary friend. The fact that you are very real sometimes overwhelms me. I can’t believe I have shared so much of myself with all of you.
Thank you for listening and just being there when I needed to share. You’ll never know how much it’s meant to me.