Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

Come to my window

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Mr. J keeps putting away this old window that belonged to my grandparents farm house but I keep dragging it back out because I like to peer into the old wavvy glass. Sometimes just for a moment I catch a glimpse of my past.

Do you ever feel as though no matter how hard you try to be a certain way or do certain things, your true self  is always revealed- like there is an unseen guide that opens doors and windows for you when you’re not looking.  I’m not talking about religion here but something that might be a bit similar. I do have faith although it at times it is a little confused or unsure of itself. It just seems to me that no matter what I think I want or where I think I should be in my life, my real position or destiny always wins. This is difficult to explain but let me take another shot at it. Now listen closely because this may be a bit hard to follow. hee hee

I have always wanted to be things I’m not- like a successful business woman, someone famous, a published author, a tall model; well you get the picture, right? I  head off on little life journeys or alterations seeking such things but something unseen always pulls me back to this place- no not this blog, silly. Back to this girl who rambles and jumps in with both feet before looking, and then back to a girl who changes her mind as often as the wind changes direction. My life always centers on a small map of curiosities and adventures, never too far from home base but always traveling in one direction or another. This girl is creative, a little flighty and her attention spans is less than an inch long. She may never be famous or head of a fortune five hundred company but that’s okay, right? I should also mention that sometimes she is a little unsure of herself.

I was never one that said I want to be such and such when I grow up. There were way too many possibilities- how in the world could I choose just one? So I dabbled- yes I am a great dabbler if nothing else. Having said all of that, this post still fails to make my point which is that no matter what I do I will always be exactly what I am. Okay good I have figured it out. Well… not exactly- I’m not sure who the, I am, is. I told you this was going to get complicated.

Do we all have some big divine purpose or are some of us just destined to ride along making things interesting for others? Is there really some sort of giant magnet pulling us back to center when we veer too far off the path? What makes me fall back to that same old girl that I started with and why can’t I be something else entirely?

Have you ever thought about these kinds of things or is it just me? Maybe the rest of you are smart enough to know that it’s best to just go with the flow and not fight the current. I usually do just that but then there are those moments when I see something on the other side and think yes I should try that, go there, or maybe be her- instead of me. I guess I was meant to stay this girl who takes pictures and tells stories and nothing else.

Hopefully by now you aren’t thinking whoa this chick is way crazy or something similar. This chick isn’t too crazy, maybe slightly off center, but not too far. She’s not a perfectly shaped circle and definitely not square, just slightly irregular with a few nooks and crannies. Hmmmm, speaking of nooks and crannies I wish I had an English muffin smothered with rich melted butter that has seeped down into all the nooks and crannies just perfectly.

 

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Okay the wind has changed and so goes my mind. I’m off to forage for breakfast.

Have a great day.

xo-jj

June 10, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, rants | , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Found words-through the lens…

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Until I fly away

Wrapped so tightly in a mystery that whispers like the wind in your ear, softly spoken but not without a stand:

it calls your name and beckons your soul to break free, finally free.  Do you live in your head?

Think of every word you may have written and each town you’ve ever lived in.

What did you say, who kept you warm, were you free, really free? It’s all in your head.

I am holding something precious, tightly, ever so tightly. It is the words to a love song, 

the recipe for success , a mystery with nothing more to say. Don’t live in your head.

You can see me, reach out and touch me, but only until I break free and fly away.

 

I have been busy putting together the “found words in photography” project for my Studio pink store. I hope to list a few sets later today. I love the green and brown speckled eggs in this nest. I believe they belong to a mockingbird.

I took a run through the field last night and came across a gorgeous tree just loaded with spring time blossoms. I couldn’t resist….

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The blooms gave off a  slightly floral aroma that was dipped in an essence of  fresh honey as it dripped off the hive. Can you smell it? It was Heaven to my senses. I enjoyed every breath I took while under this tree. The pink buds opened to a creamy white sensation and the leaves were a fresh spring green. It was magic to my eyes and nose-perfection!

Enjoy the day!

xo-jj

May 12, 2009 Posted by | me, photography, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s all in your head

 The following story was inspired by an experience I had many years ago.

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She walked softly and dared not speak. Her words couldn’t possibly change his mind about where they were going. It was late summer and the heat index was well over 90 degrees. She felt a drop of sweat starting at the nap of her neck and sliding down her spine just before it disappeared into the band of her cutoffs.  They walked for what seemed like hours and her knees were beginning to buckle when a black ford parked beside them. The door opened and a strange man said, “get in.” She was nervous but somewhat relieved to get out of the mid-afternoon sun. The men inside the car exchanged words but nothing in her native tongue. She listened but didn’t understand. The sun faded as her eyes fell closed. When she awoke there were only shadows and whispers. Her companion was still sitting by her side but everyone else was gone. She looked into his worried face but didn’t dare ask.  Off in the distance the men were having a smoke under a street lamp, a mangy dog ran past and then her door swung open. A man in a black suit motioned for her to get out. She did. He took her inside a brick building, down a hall and  into a room with chairs and nothing else. She sat alone and waited for what she didn’t know. The next few hours alluded her perception and it was morning before she knew it. As the girl looked up she noticed a crowd of people all dressed in their Sunday best. They were huddled around something but what? She had to move closer to take a peek. As the girl approached the wooden box she was afraid of what she might see. It may change everything or haunt her forever, but something told her that she had to look just once. The face was so familiar and caused her knees to buckle. She knew this face, this life, that had now passed. It was someone she had once loved but who?  Her mind was playing a nasty trick of don’t tell because it will hurt too much. She searched the faces on the people that surrounded the box. She listened to the words but still no name…no name. Who was in the pine box? Will her mind ever give it up? Can she handle the truth?

This story was similar to an experience I had when I was young. I witnessed the death of a person I knew and cared about. What followed that incident still amazes me today. The mind will do whatever it takes to protect itself from a painful overload. I did finally remember who had passed away but it wasn’t until after the funeral when I was alone in the shower that my mind allowed the break-thru. I didn’t dare ask anyone at the funeral who this person was because I was so ashamed that I didn’t know. It was one of those twilight zone kind of things. I guess I never realized how powerful the mind can be. I think this gives the saying “mind over matter” a whole new meaning. It’s kind of scary in a beautiful mind kind of way. What do you think?

Sorry for the dark post on such a beautiful day. As I said in my last post I am having problems with my computer again so if I vanish for a day or two don’t call 911, well not unless I get my hands on the boys in the Geek Squad that charged me 200 dollars to fix Mr. Puter. I think he may be beyond help at this point. Sometimes he works just fine and other times he turns on and off every few seconds. Sometimes I just hate technology. Shhhh, he might hear me.

Go out and enjoy the sunshine if you have it- jj

April 23, 2009 Posted by | me, saga | , , , , , , | 3 Comments