Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

A very ordinary girl now middle-aged woman who thinks extraordinary thoughts in no particuliar order

A very ordinary girl now middle-aged woman who thinks extraordinary thoughts in no particular order. I’m thinking this may become a new feature on my blog. Perhaps I’ll touch on it once a week or twice a month or maybe even every other post. I can’t be pinned down right now or get caught up in the details, I have too much to say. I may start at the beginning, at the end or maybe even in the middle because I do things like that

 I thought my life was going to turn out differently, after all I have a destiny, a mission, a niche, but I haven’t found it just yet.   I know it’s out there, lurking in the shadows just waiting for the right moment to happen.

I couldn’t wait to grow up and find my purpose, that niche, my something but I had to get married to my high school sweet-heart, have kids and purchase my first house before I could pursue my dreams. Those things were too important to let get away and they had to get done before I was too set in my ways to get married, too old to have kids and before I had spent most of my adult life in a rented apartment.

While raising kids I knew that my something was out there but I was too busy, too fulfilled and way too brain-dead to go looking for it. It would have to wait and wait and wait.

How long should one wait? Should I start looking? Actually I think I’ve been looking all along but no niche.   I’ve always thought that when I was ready it would just happen.  All I had to do was wish for it and the answer would become, loud and clear, a flash of light, an epiphany, happiness.

I use to dream of a life in the big city. This life  included my loving family, the perfect house, a little fame and a lot of money. All made possible by my thriving career. I had my whole life ahead of me and plenty of time to achieve everything I’d hoped for. It was going to happen. I could feel it. I just had to get through the next few years of raising my family before it could happen. I raised my family and now when I look back I know that those were the most fulfilling years of my life. Perhaps thats why I put off the dream, my wish.

As the years passed my dreams and wishes got a lot smaller and a little closer to home.

I once wished for a beautiful white cat to fill my house with cozy charm, to make it feel homey and full. I envisioned her sitting in the front window when I arrived home in the evening, waiting for my company.

I wished and a couple of months later he showed up. He was different from what I envisioned, his fur was short with tan patches and he was absent a tail. I welcomed him into my home anyway but he didn’t like the indoors. he preferred the porch to my cozy office.  So now when I arrive home I find him waiting  not on my window sil but waiting all the same. By the way he brought friends-I feed them too.

 I wished for more children and I got a grandchild. Grandchildren are God’s greatest work and I never tire of their company. I’m not your typical grandma. I don’t bake. I can barely cook and I wear jeans with holes in the knees.

A few years ago I wished for more time with my family and something happened at work that made it justified for me to quit. I never looked back because I was sure this was a sign and my special talents were about to emerge. That was two and a half years ago. I’ve tried on a few hats since then but nothing fits. Someone once said, “I think you just don’t like to work” not true. I just want to feel passionate about what I’m doing, be good at it and make a living while doing it. 

Not all my wishes come true. I’ve wished for something I enjoyed, loved, something I was really good at.  It had to be a career where I could make a living while doing it. Something all my own. Nothing happened. I’m afraid it may take a little work on my part to find it, patience and focus, things I’m not very good at. I have the attention span of a three-year old child after she has consumed an entire box of cookies, chocolate chip of course.

I’m not whinning and I’m certainly not ungrateful for all the wonderful things in my life. I’m just wondering if maybe I’m going about this quest for success and completion all wrong. Perhaps…

This is just me thinking out loud  🙂

xo-jj

May 5, 2010 Posted by | family woes, me, nasty habits | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My little box of Obsessions and a passionate spell

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I think I’ve told you before about my little box of obsessions, haven’t I? A wooden tool box filled with little trinkets from nature, shells, rocks, nests and feathers. Ah yes the feathers, layers upon layers of  wispy threads woven together in a web of colorful heaven. I love feathers and marvel over their intricate design and pattern. I’m completely obsessed by the mere beauty and function they possess. I guess you could call it a kind of spell that drives my passion for photography.

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Yesterday I interviewed for a position in one of my other passions, home decor. I was the least qualified candidate but yet I have hope that my passion and shear determination will win out over experience. I don’t intend to leave the blogging world or my little studio behind. I plan to blend my passions in an eclectic mix no matter how deep or complex it gets.  It’s time to spread my wings and expand my interests as far as I can reach. I feel hopeful as I sit on my porch and take a deep breath filled with crisp morning air. I’m light as a feather and my dreams are floating softly toward a new day.

Don’t be afraid to fall under a passionate spell- it’s a good thing! 

xo-jj

October 8, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, photography | , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Just beyond the pink door part 3

sexy-manIf you missed the beginning go here for part one and here for part two.

Her eyes got lost in the deep dark pools that led her to his soul, she saw, she remembered. How could that be? His soft curly locks framed his masculane chin ever so perfectly, supple lips, strong shoulders, and a muscular chest all packaged in his warm Latin skin. She felt his touch course over her body, even though they were table lengths apart. She remembered his smell, the spicy aroma of smoked wood and the sweetness of a just ripe peach. A prickly sensation started at her lips and spread through her body ending with a tiny spark at the tips of her fingers and tops of her toes. She felt a primal urge to reach out and embrace each hair and every limb of his body but couldn’t move or speak. Her feet glued to the floor, her mind unable to think  her lips dripping with lust for his, they were incapable of forming the words. She needed, she felt, she ached, and lusted for this man who’s name she didn’t know but who’s touch she remembered. She could recall every detail of the old woman’s description and felt each encounter so deeply. Had this woman sent her to live out the past, her fantasy, a long lost love, or her destiny? But how did she know- the accident, the choice of detour and why did she do it? What was her motive? She envisioned they’re tangled feet and embracing arms with feverish  passion. When she closed her eyes she could almost feel his hot breath on her neck. She was trapped in a body of indecision and plagued by the fear of change.

But then, his deep eyes glowed as he winked his long lashes and turned toward the door. Should she stop him and risk her secret life so private and perfect? Can she share her life, her sensuous garden of succulent fruit and glowing candle light? She feared losing her independence by falling completely for this man. She could lead him to the garden to dance barfoot in the breeze and bathe in the warm waters that trickled past her sleeping nest.  Her mind was conflicted but she felt her heart open and her hand reach out as he passed by. She felt the firmness of his skin as her fingers melted painlessly into his flesh. His head turned toward hers, his face so gentle, his eyes so intent but his lips never spoke and… and…. he held out his hand with perfect fingers out-stretched toward hers. As her mouth tried to make words he laid a finger to her lips and…….

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Did he?…… Did she?…….. Should they?………. I guess I’ll leave this one up to you.  You, tell me what happened. Sorry for the delay in the story my week has been a little hectic thus far. Today I am dreaming of running barefoot in the garden- just waiting on spring. Enjoy your day!

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This was one of those perfect moments, perfect shot, kind of things. I captured this image last summer. Make a wish.  Gotta love this kind of opportunity.

jj

April 1, 2009 Posted by | lovers, me, saga | , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Can the Perfect Dinner Save your Love Life?

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Chocolate cake is the ultimate food porn.

 I thought I would share a tip for sexy eats that are sure to improve your love life. Zoe from Bigmethod left me an email with a link to an interesting web site called The Lovebite. This site is run by an Aussie chef named Mannix. He promises to teach you the art of seduction through pleasing the palate. For some reason just typing the words “art of seduction” steamed up the windows in my office.  Is it hot in here or is it just me? Sorry back to the food. Mannix has a number of romantic recipes for the perfect date night. His clever tips just might make that special someone fall passionately in love with you or at least keep him/her coming back for more. My fav is the menu for a dirty weekend which includes roasted chicken, brie, avocado, baguettes, antipasti with chocolate and whiskey to finish. A sumptuous recipe for Mango Mischief got me really excited.  I may have to try it.

The Lovebite a clever site with great dating tips and delicious recipes that you just have to try- date or no date. You can peruse his tasty recipes or sign up for the Get Bit news letter. A new date with recipe to match are featured every month. What a great way to add a little romance back into your life without breaking the bank.

Now… go and visit The Lovebite  it may make your night or at least spice things up a bit. Let me know if you try any of his yummy suggestions and if your efforts are met with positive results. Have a delicious weekend 😉

jj

February 20, 2009 Posted by | lovers, me | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Leap of faith and the Courage to Fly

empty-roomHave you ever felt like you were stuck in one place- just like a fly trapped on a piece of flypaper? A time when you could see your surroundings and knew where you wanted to go but just couldn’t get there. Have you ever just taken that leap of faith no matter what it cost, even if it meant ripping yourself free of the sticky paper and losing a wing or tiny piece of yourself? Did you do it? Was it worth it?

It has been one year since I did just that. I was working in a place that was killing me. It wasn’t the job so much as the people. They were life suckers- you know the kind – hate themselves therefore can’t stand to see anyone else happy. The place was toxic and I was becoming a person that I didn’t recognize.  So…. I closed my eyes, cut the cord and then took a giant leap. It was so painful and really scary but it has been an amazing year. No, I am not technically, gainfully employed,yet, and I haven’t made any huge strides. But I think I know myself a little better and I’ve explored life so much more. The passing of a year has made me reflect on what I really want. It has forced a question of reality; what can I achieve? I would like to say if you believe it -you can achieve it. Hmmm is that really true? I guess I have to say that I’m still a work in progress but I have no regrets.

Share with me a leap that you took or would like to take. Tell me what your inspiration was or is. Where did you get your courage? We have to be brave in every tiny step or giant leap we take. Have faith in the universe and show us brave spirit. I’m looking for a little boost of inspiration in your stories to get me over that one year hump. Inspire me with your dreams. I am daring you to unleash your passion. Tell me what your journey felt like- Inspire me.

jj

February 11, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, rants | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Confessions from a Secret Lover

Welcome Dreamer to the sofa.

I felt that burning sensation climb up my legs and settle in my chest. You felt it too, I could tell. My mind was occupied with thoughts of you, every day. You missed me too. I know because you told me so. I felt lonely but I knew that I was not alone. You were with me in spirit.

This lonely charade has gone on on far too long. I’ve grown tired of pretending not to know you. I want more than just a secret meeting at 3:00 am. Making love to you is better than I could have ever imagined but the loneliness is worse. You are a gifted lover but you have a full life without me. When we make love our bodies melt into a single burning ember of passion but we are forced to extinguish the glow and go back to a facade that is killing me.

As long as you are in my heart there is no room for any others. I can’t play this game of secret lovers with you anymore. I must move on. Our secret will never die completely, it will just whither and fade until it occupies the tiniest corner in my heart. I miss you.

Junie: Dreamer that was beautifully said. I loved every word.

December 12, 2008 Posted by | secrets, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment