Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

Unravelling and the real me

IMG_1704

So, I think I’ve mentioned a few times over the past eight weeks that I’ve embarked on a journey into myself. This journey set sail in an Unravelling  e-course that took a group of people through an exploration of their true selves  by a process of  photo-journaling their life. I jumped in with both feet, so to speak, as the first assignment was of my feet but some where along the way my enthusiasm wained just a bit. I’m not sure how much my perception of myself has changed over the past few weeks but I do think that my acceptance of the real me has improved just a bit.

I started out feeling somewhat strange about taking photographs of myself but got used to the idea as the weeks rolled on.  I soon realized that the pics I liked the most were the softer and maybe a little over exposed shots. I analysed that a bit and then concluded that this is exactly how I prefer to see life. A little soft and fuzzy, no rough edges, a view that allows me to ignore the parts that aren’t so pretty. Since hitting the big four- o, I have struggled with the thought of getting older and the reality that is settling into my face and body. I feel like a young girl trapped in a middle aged woman’s life.

Throughout my entire life I was the girl who wasn’t exceptionally smart-just average and not particularly talented in any one area- just okay at a few things but everyone just referred to me as that pretty girl, many never even knew my my name. I even had a boss tell the computer programming guy not to ask me any technical questions because I was just the pretty girl in the office- that boss was a woman. This used to infuriate me but now I seem to be scrambling to hold on to that pretty girl who is changing into a average woman- I never wanted to be average.  Pretty fades- so, I’m ready to move on to something deeper and more spectaculiar in my life. I want to be remembered for my accomplishments.

secret weapons

We struggle all our lives to be more than what we are and in the end I think we fail to appreciate our true talents or assets. These days it takes a little longer for me to accept the face I see in the mirror and I do have a few secret weapons but the whole beauty thing has gotten a bit expensive. It’s just not the same for men. Are they just naturally better looking or do we just except them the way they are? I think it’s the latter- sorry guys.

the face in the mirror

During the Unravelling e-course I’ve realized I’m not alone in my struggle to accept myself and that many of my classmates have far greater issues than I. It has been interesting to look at an image of a fellow classmate and view them one way until I read their perception of themselves and then this image takes on a whole different light. So I guess what I am saying is that the way you perceive and portray yourself greatly influences the way others see you.  Perhaps this means if I want to look like a  young beautiful woman that is fully capable and talented in many ways, I must first see those things in myself before they’ll become apparent to others. Does that make sense?

Unravelling to the end

I started out as that pretty little girl and then become that average woman I see in the mirror today.

I’m sad to see this class come to an end and don’t know how it will impact my life but I do think that everything we experience in life changes us just a little.

xo-jj

June 24, 2009 Posted by | me, photography, secrets | , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

These Boots are Made for…

go-go-bootsPlease Welcome Nancy and her magic boots to the sofa.

Do any of you have a favorite pair of underwear or piece of jewelry that  makes everything go right whenever you wear them? I have a pair of sexy boots that bring me luck and make me feel like I can do anything  as soon as I slip them on. They are a retro style go go boot and so cool. But they really don’t go with a lot of things. I save them for special occasions, like dates with  really hot guys and whenever I need a boost of confidence. I’m not superstitious by nature but I would swear that these boots really have some sort of power. I always get my man when I’m in these boots. You can’t stop Nancy in her magic boots.  I once wore them to an interview. They were totally inappropriate but I got the job. These boots are tall, sexy and silver. See what I mean by inappropriate and hard to fit into my wardrobe. I consider these boots my secret weapon against failure.  I love them not just because they make me feel like a totally different person when I wear them, but because they bring the magic.

Junie: Nancy your boots sound awesome. I want a pair!

jj

January 20, 2009 Posted by | secrets, should be illegal | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Is this unrequitted Love?

Please  welcome Ricky to the sofa

I’m not a dating loser but I am really confused and need a little help. I have been dating this chick  for a few weeks now and I really like her but something really weird happened last night. I thought we were getting close, I thought I was really getting to know her, then blamo it happened. She showed up at the restaurant with her two kids. She said she couldn’t find a babysitter. Not so bad right? Wrong!  I didn’t know she had kids. What the hell! Did I miss a sign? Do you think I’m blind? Is this her way of saying ,so long sucker- I’m really not that into you.  Are the kids some kind of secret weapon? She acted like it was no big thing, introduced her kids and carried on like nothing was out of the ordinary. I think I sat with my mouth open most of the evening. Did I mention that I really, really liked this chick and I thought we were getting somewhere in our relationship?

Junie: I think you nailed it,when you said, “how weird. ” Are you sure you didn’t miss her mentioning the kids? Is this a deal breaker or do you like her enough to dig a little deeper into the relationship?

jj

January 5, 2009 Posted by | lovers, secrets | , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments