Update… I made a few changes to the story. Let me know what you think.
Dear friends, I’m pulling out my hair, running around like a mad woman and biting the heads off small children. I desperately need your help! I’ve been struggling with the opening to the chic lit novel with strong romantic elements that I’m currently working on. I can’t seem to set the tone just right. I feel like there may be something missing. I’m 3/4 of the way through my first draft but I’m still not sure about the first few pages. So, I’m going to throw it out there and let you give me some feedback. I’ll be brave and of course I’ll trust you…
Please send me to the beach with a little peace of mind. I need to feel like I’m on the right track before I run off on vacation.
This is just the first few paragraphs.
And so the sofa diary begins like this…
I was deep in the reverie and wanted to call out his name, just breathe, I told myself. All my life I’d been praying for something big to happen but now the only thing that mattered was a new life with him. I was falling for this boy and he didn’t know the half of it. His eyes made me want to beg, for what I don’t know. I’d had plenty of boyfriends before but none that got inside me and haunted my every thought. I’m not sure what made Alex different, could be his quiet confidence and drive for success. It was probably more like his killer looks that buckled my knees every time I saw him. Something in him brought out a primal need in me that I just couldn’t explain.
My heart stopped when I heard footsteps making their way up to our new loft apartment. I rushed to the door, opened it slightly and then quickly positioned myself on the worn out sofa that was in clear sight as he entered the room. My heart was beating out of control as I couldn’t wait to see his expression when he noticed what I wasn’t wearing. My deliberate demeanor quickly unveiled my intentions. I was so ready to give up unpacking and consummate this new step in our relationship. In fact I had been dreaming of this moment all day. His eyes, his touch, his smell, yes that’s what it was, his smell; it haunted me down to the core. I couldn’t get away from the need to consume every inch of this boy. Alex took one look at me and he understood completely. He tried to place the box down carefully but in his hast the damp cardboard split wide open, spilling my grandmother’s china all over the hardwood floor. He looked over at me with a worried face that anticipated the usual dramatic response from a twenty-three year old girl moving into her first place.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry Bella. Did it break? Damn, couldn’t you have picked a better day to move all this crap?”
I casually picked up the pieces. It was my grandmother’s china and should have meant something to me, but it didn’t. Besides it was the ugliest pattern I’d ever seen. It resembled brown wheat or something similar that didn’t belong on fine china. I wasn’t really the sentimental type and that’s why my dreams of making a life with Alex surprised me so much. He bent down and collected the remaining pieces off the floor. I brushed up against his determined cheek and said softly,
“It’s okay. I’m not worried about a few broken dishes? I have more important plans for you my dear boy. I’ve been waiting for this all day.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the sofa. I took my time unfastening each button and every button of his shirt. I kissed his neck and then pressed my breasts against his bare chest. This caused a shutter to take over me. He pulled me in and I slid underneath his body. I felt his eagerness, like I was the one he’d been dreaming about. Everything I wanted was to be his one and only dream. I needed to see his eyes, frantically searching to find me. He was no stranger in my dreams. I had to wonder what part I played in his.
I whispered, “I want you” in his ear and moments later, the apartment christening was in motion. Just as he thrust his hips, sending my body hurling to a familiar place, things began to escalate as my toes formed the perfect curl, with a loud crack and then a big crash to the floor. Our half-naked bodies spilled over the hardwood planks.
“What the hell, Bella? Where did you get this piece of shit?” Alex said as he jumped to his feet.
We both laughed as I turned to him and said, “Damn, I’ve had one hell of a week. It started with my uptight mother forbidding me to shack up, then came my first parking ticket, Grandma Bea’s china is broken, and now the only piece of furniture I own is a piece of shit. He flashed me a wink with a promise of better things to come.
It starts simply enough with a twenty something girl and guy, first apartment together, steamy relationship, well you get the picture. Did you get that she’s a girl who is hopelessly head over heels for a guy who is pretty smooth but just along for the ride?
Here are the things that I’d like you to consider in your feedback. What could I do better to set the mood or convey my message? What’s missing? Is there anything that just isn’t working? Be brutal, well maybe not too brutal, but honest 😉
Thanks, I knew I could count on you.
Junie here with a couple comments and a little reminder. The controversy over Gifting Circles rages on and I appreciate the many comments and views from the Sofa Diary readers. Let’s keep in mind that we are all on the same side here. The sofa diary is meant to be a fun read and a stress reliever for all. It gives everyone a chance to vent or confess anonymously. Please remember that you never have to use your real name in your confession or comments. This blog isn’t meant to expose anyone. We are all here to support each other and I do see a lot of very supportive comments here. Thank you to my regulars for giving your 2 cents and support to our confessors. I don’t contact my confessors or commenter’s, except to say your secret is posted, but if you have a question or need an answer please email me at email@example.com and I will answer back. I am the only one who reads this email- so your secrets are totally safe with me. Remember things are tough out there and everyone has their own way of making it through whether it’s a gifting circle or standing in the unemployment line. We all need to stick together and make this a better 2009. We will table the Gifting Circle discussion for today but revisit it in the near future. I think everyone is curious to see how this works out for those who are involved. For thoses of you who have invested keep us posted or email me and I will let everyone know. These groups are an interesting sign of the times if nothing else. I appreciate you all very much! Thank you and good luck to everyone.
Please welcome Junie to the sofa.
I would like to wish the readers of the Sofa Diary and the brave souls who contribute to it’s pages, a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or whatever else you celebrate this time of year.
Java June will be taking a few days to enjoy the Holiday with Mr. Claus and his elves. Make yourself at home and feel free to flip through the pages of my diary, leave me your confessions or just talk amongst yourselves. This time of the year is a blessing for some and a mixed bag for many others. I truly hope that all of you who spend time with me on the sofa or visit me between the pages of my diary, find at least one blessing to make your Holiday special. I appreciate your company and comments. Thank you for being a part of Java June’s blog.
On behalf of Java June (Junie), the Velvet Lady (my sofa), and the Sofa Diary (my book of your secrets) I wish you Happy Holidays.
Please welcome Bob to the sofa.
I am an animal lover who was left with no choice- so I stole my neighbors dog. He is a heartless idiot who left his beagle outside in the cold Michigan winter without food or water. One morning I just couldn’t take seeing her tied out in the yard freezing to death, so I walked right over and just took her – no remorse. I didn’t care if that bastard saw me or called the police. I gave her to my brother’s friend where she will be loved and have a warm place to sleep every night.
My idiot neighbor came over that night and asked if I’d seen his dog. I lied and said that I hadn’t seen a thing. There should be a law that forbids assholes and idiots from becoming dog owners or parents.
Junie: I love your heroic action. I’m sure the dog thanks you every night he sleeps in a warm bed with a full belly. Good job Bob!
Please welcome Lucy to the sofa
This is a confession from a female stalker. I stalk my current boyfriend, Why you ask? Because he is not very open or honest and I think he might be cheating on me. He comes home late a lot without an explanation. I found a strange phone number in his coat and when I called it, a girl answered. I have started following him in my car after work and he stops off at a local bar quite often. He has never mentioned this bar to me before, so I am suspicious. I need to come up with a good disguise that will allow me to go in and keep my eye on him.
He is a very sweet guy and treats me well but I may not be the only one he is sweet on. What do you think?
Junie: You might be right Lucy, but maybe you can find a way to confront him, without being accusatory. Good luck with your relationship. Do my readers have any good advice for Lucy?
It has been several weeks since I heard such an interesting confession. Penny (let’s call her that) was a beautiful girl with a boring life. Her confession started with what she liked to do for fun. She said she liked to stalk people she was envious of until she got their routine down. Then she would break into the house when they were away and pretend to be them. Touch their things, wear their clothes, lay in their bed. This really creep-ed me out. I wasn’t quite sure if she made it up to impress her me or if it was for real. She described her last scenario play by play and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Here is her startling confession as told to me from the Velvet Lady:
Penny knew exactly where the key was hidden and it took her less than a minute to get inside. She quickly made her way up the long staircase. She knew right away which bedroom belonged to Debra and Dan. As soon as she opened the closet and began to touch Debra’s clothes, a snap came over her and the fantasy began. She touched her sweater, touched her robe, touched the boiled wool coat Debra got for Christmas, touch, touch, touch, jackpot, this was the one. She chose the silk nightgown with a matching robe that was trimmed in a fluffy feather boa. It fit her like a glove and flowed off her body in a very sheer fabric. She sat down in front of the dressing table and brushed her hair, next came the make up and the jewelry. Then she walked down the steps in Debra’s black pumps and opened the refrigerator to pour herself a glass of orange juice. Just as she sat down at the kitchen table and opened the newspaper she heard a car door slam. She jumped to her feet as her glass of orange juice shattered across the floor. She tugged at the slider but it wouldn’t budge. She then saw the wedge in the bottom track and removed it. The door slide open, she kicked off her shoes and ran across the lawn, around the shed and to the side of the house. She peeked around the corner to see Dan open the front door and walk inside. Penny made a dash for her car and drove off down the dirt road in Debra’s see-thru nighty. She said her heart was turning summer salts, but it was the most exciting twenty minutes of her life- even better than sex.
Penny laughed as she touched the souvenir she was wearing. It was a pearl necklace that belonged to Debra. Penny said it was the best pearl necklace she ever got.
Who could make something like that up? It must be true!