Javajune's Blog

Someone once said… “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

Come to my window

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Mr. J keeps putting away this old window that belonged to my grandparents farm house but I keep dragging it back out because I like to peer into the old wavvy glass. Sometimes just for a moment I catch a glimpse of my past.

Do you ever feel as though no matter how hard you try to be a certain way or do certain things, your true self  is always revealed- like there is an unseen guide that opens doors and windows for you when you’re not looking.  I’m not talking about religion here but something that might be a bit similar. I do have faith although it at times it is a little confused or unsure of itself. It just seems to me that no matter what I think I want or where I think I should be in my life, my real position or destiny always wins. This is difficult to explain but let me take another shot at it. Now listen closely because this may be a bit hard to follow. hee hee

I have always wanted to be things I’m not- like a successful business woman, someone famous, a published author, a tall model; well you get the picture, right? I  head off on little life journeys or alterations seeking such things but something unseen always pulls me back to this place- no not this blog, silly. Back to this girl who rambles and jumps in with both feet before looking, and then back to a girl who changes her mind as often as the wind changes direction. My life always centers on a small map of curiosities and adventures, never too far from home base but always traveling in one direction or another. This girl is creative, a little flighty and her attention spans is less than an inch long. She may never be famous or head of a fortune five hundred company but that’s okay, right? I should also mention that sometimes she is a little unsure of herself.

I was never one that said I want to be such and such when I grow up. There were way too many possibilities- how in the world could I choose just one? So I dabbled- yes I am a great dabbler if nothing else. Having said all of that, this post still fails to make my point which is that no matter what I do I will always be exactly what I am. Okay good I have figured it out. Well… not exactly- I’m not sure who the, I am, is. I told you this was going to get complicated.

Do we all have some big divine purpose or are some of us just destined to ride along making things interesting for others? Is there really some sort of giant magnet pulling us back to center when we veer too far off the path? What makes me fall back to that same old girl that I started with and why can’t I be something else entirely?

Have you ever thought about these kinds of things or is it just me? Maybe the rest of you are smart enough to know that it’s best to just go with the flow and not fight the current. I usually do just that but then there are those moments when I see something on the other side and think yes I should try that, go there, or maybe be her- instead of me. I guess I was meant to stay this girl who takes pictures and tells stories and nothing else.

Hopefully by now you aren’t thinking whoa this chick is way crazy or something similar. This chick isn’t too crazy, maybe slightly off center, but not too far. She’s not a perfectly shaped circle and definitely not square, just slightly irregular with a few nooks and crannies. Hmmmm, speaking of nooks and crannies I wish I had an English muffin smothered with rich melted butter that has seeped down into all the nooks and crannies just perfectly.

 

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Okay the wind has changed and so goes my mind. I’m off to forage for breakfast.

Have a great day.

xo-jj

June 10, 2009 Posted by | confessions, me, rants | , , , , , , , | 8 Comments